Self-care is just a buzz word. A word to remind moms to do more for themselves and to not get rundown. But self-care is just a band-aid to the rut and heaviness that motherhood often brings. Going for a jog, getting a massage, or even going on a girl’s trip will not cure anything. Trust me, I know. No, I’m not saying that moms shouldn’t do those things to get a quick pick-me-up, but I do know that moms need much more than that.
After being a stay-at-home-mom for a few years, I did all of the self-care things. I scheduled dinner dates with my husband and girlfriends often. I had weekends away, got the occasional pedicure, worked out, and more. But still, I didn’t feel truly rejuvenated—and that’s because I wasn’t bettering myself in any real way. All of those things were just temporary.
So, there I was—a stay-at-home-mom who stood at a standstill. On the outside, I looked like a cookie-cutter mom who did the Pinterest crafts, took her kids to storytime, and painted a smile on her face. Sure, my kids made me happy {we always have to say that, don’t we?}, but I needed more outside of motherhood and wasn’t ready to admit that. I was afraid. Afraid to act upon the real desires that were aching deep inside me. Afraid to be anything more than a mother.
But finally, after a gentle push from my best friend and husband, I began to challenge myself in new ways. My mind, body, and soul needed a real makeover—not a massage. And I’m thankful I had people in my life to realize that self-care wasn’t quite cutting it because self-care was only surface level. My friend and my husband understood that I needed some real repair from the inside out—something no version of self-care could ever provide.
So, for my body, I trained to run a half-marathon. I had never run further than two miles in my life. This challenge brought me immediate satisfaction after adding each additional mile. And to my surprise, it made me mentally tougher and nourished me from the inside out. Next, I started graduate school. Although many of my classmates were much younger than me, I didn’t let that stop me. My added years provided wisdom in the classroom—wisdom I greatly lacked in my undergrad. And in effect, earning my graduate degree gave me the confidence I needed to start writing, something that truly nourishes me in ways that self-care never could.
Other things that have truly nurtured my well-being as a human {remember, we’re not just moms} include planting a vegetable garden and making it a point to immerse myself in nature more. Being in touch with the outside world and watching natural things grow slowly means a heck of a lot more to me than getting a manicure.
Our mom culture needs to move out of the superficial aspect of self-care because sometimes moms need a deep repair. Yes, moms still need those need and deserve all of those extra things, too. But overall, I think it’s time we realized that moms need more than a band-aid.
