I’m sitting here hesitating to write. I’m always so careful what I say to be kind and respectful but above all biblical. However today, the day before my birthday after a horrible week, and a battle of a year…I sit here wanting to connect with other women who find themselves sad, lonely, tired, in despair.
The past two days have been full of discussions, or – truth be told – arguments and tears. I’m tired, I’ve had enough. I’m fighting against shut-down mode. While I am a mom to three children, I am first a wife. I am finding it to be difficult after seasons of hard work like, that which I am enduring, to continue to carry the weight. Today, being a good wife full of grace and integrity is a heavy burden that is crushing me.
What about you? How are you handling all that is on your shoulders?
My tears have dried for now, but friend, can you relate? Oh, how I hope I am not alone, though I wish I were alone for your sake. I know there is nothing new under the sun, no new husband-wife drama yet to be unheard of in these days. My brain is swimming from the last marital disagreement, yet my children need me to continue to fill their cup so to speak. My cup has been bone dry these past few months, and yet I keep going, I keep pushing because I know two things. First, a breakthrough is just past the point of the pain you think will equate to death. And second, even if a breakthrough never happens, who would want anyone to ever be able to say to us that we gave up on the good fight?
Mommas, marriage is hard work. There is learning, growth, success and – I hate to break it to you – there is also failure. And while we relish in the joy and post about all of the good stuff on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, do we acknowledge the journey it takes to get there?
Right now, in this season I feel broken and drained and, to be honest, angry. Anger has often been my default just as much as fear. Last night I posted a funny GIF about my personal battle with balance in this moment of raising babes and marital… marital…oh help me not to say something crass… marital poop storm. Sorry Y’all, it’s the best I’ve got. See right now I’m a stay at home mom while my husband, the breadwinner, works long hours away from home. And there I know I am not alone, having met two others mommas just this week in the same boat. We carry the same fatigue, similar battle scars, same mantra, “Just keep swimming.”
I take care of everything while my hubby works: the kids, the house, the meals, the shopping, the yard, the chores, the chickens, the mountain goats – ok we don’t have mountain goats, but even in the mountains of my overwhelming situation I am the navigator… the mediator… and I AM TIRED. On top of bringing up my family, I know I am purposed to care for the souls of others with encouragement, connection, and leadership.
What are the plates you are juggling? Are they all worthy to have a place in your capable hands?
I guess all I really wanted to say to you, reader and friend is that you and I, we are not alone. I see you doing your best in your marriage, also with your kids. I see you pushing past your breaking point with hope for the good life. You and I, we are not alone. These days are long, tiresome times. It’s okay to tweet truth, Facebook frankly, and forgo the ideal Instagram pics for what is real and wholly authentic. It’s okay to share portraits of the season we stand presently. It’s beautiful to share the gritty raw truth that this life you are building is a challenge even when it looks as if we’ve got it all together. It’s okay to walk up to me in public and ask, “Can I just be real with your for a second?”
Because friend, I need that opportunity as well. So we keep going bent over from fatigue and wondering when we will catch our breath, holding out our hands to each other whimpering the encouraging words, “we’re going to make it.” With a smile and tears, whisper to one another, “Keep going. Take a rest. Then keep going.” Friend, keep loving well even when it feels as though it might cost you everything. Because right around the corner is a resting place with a beautiful view of what has been accomplished. And you and I will be glad we didn’t give up the good fight for the good life.
What issues in your marriage are you battling out for the good of you? Your spouse? Your kids? Your community?
