Dear Teenage Daughter,
I want you to know that I see you, I truly see you. I see how amazing you are. Although you don’t reveal your character intentionally to me on a daily basis, I see it and I know it.
I sometimes get caught up in life with your little sister, work and all the grown-up stuff I have to do. While I do, you may sometimes feel a little lost in the shuffle or unimportant, coasting along because you – unlike your sister – are self-sufficient. I’m sorry. You aren’t forgotten. I don’t want you to feel this way. I am watching you in pride and wishing I had more time with you. As you are at this stage somewhere between girl and woman, I watch in awe. You’re a joy to be around, most days.
I know you think I’m just mom, so what do I know?
Well, I will tell you what I do know:
- I know my time with you lately has become less and less as you are growing up. You’re going to be entering your Junior year of high school, how the heck did that even happen? In a blink we will be planning your graduation party, I will be packing you for college and spending my days wondering if you’re OK, hoping you call. Our time these days is limited. I know that as a teenager hanging out with your mom and little sister isn’t always your idea of a good time! But please know, to me, it’s the best time! I want you to know how completely happy time with you makes me, even if it’s sitting on the couch and watching World of Dance together or driving together, listening to your music. These things let me in your world, just a little bit and make me feel bonded with you.
- This is a crucial time in our relationship. Mothers and teen daughters have struggled by nature, trying to find a balance and a way of communicating. That being said, let’s not be the norm. I really love when we get to talk and I mean truly talk. I like to think that you know that mom is a safe zone, a no judgment zone and that you can share your secret thoughts and feelings with me. After all, it’s very likely I experienced those same feelings at some point in my life and felt the same way. Yes, things were different when I was a teen, in a lot of ways, very different! But I was a teen girl trying to find my way, my place and become my own me. Heck, I’m 42 and still finding and working on me. I felt pressures, I experienced bullying, I fell in love, I had my heart broken, I got in trouble, I made mistakes, and sometimes I didn’t like myself very much, I didn’t always feel like I fit in and I’m sure you do too. But sweetheart, although it’s hard and confusing, that’s just part of growing up. We’ve all been there. You do get through it. You do figure it all out. Be patient. And don’t forget that you have someone you can always talk you who does actually understand – your mama. So please don’t tell me I just don’t get it. Sometimes you may have to help me understand because I want to get it.
- I’ve done my best to make sure you know that you can talk to me. Sometimes you do, sometimes you don’t. And that’s OK. I know occasionally when you do, what I have to say may not be what you want to hear, because I am mom. I wouldn’t be teaching you anything if all I ever told you was what you wanted to hear. I know at times I’m hard on you. I’ve been the mean and strict mom. And I will continue to be, possibly even more so within the next few years. This, my dear daughter, may feel unfair. You might get angry, roll your eyes, maybe even not speak to me for a bit, that’s ok too. Remember it’s truly because I love you! It is my absolute duty as your mother to prepare you to be an independently functioning adult in this crazy big world. As you embark through these teen years, growing into a young woman, it’s a beautiful thing for me as your mother to watch. However in a very real way, it’s also a very scary thing to watch. Because as times goes by, I become a spectator more than a player. This is the time in your life that little by little, I have to let you go. You see, it won’t be long till you spread your wings and fly on your own. I watched your brothers grow up before you. I had to also let them go from under my wings. I do in fact know how fast our time is going.
- I know how much I’m going to miss you. I already do when you are out and about being your teenage self. So much of your time is spent with those close and important to you in your social life. I often get the leftover bits. I’m the “when everyone’s busy” fill in. It makes me sad sometimes, only because I miss when I was your best buddy and we did everything together! But it’s also so rewarding to see you growing your friend circle, having relationships and seeing what a good, supportive and loyal friend you are. I am proud of you and I am proud of myself, because you are proof that I’m doing something right as a mom! I, too, love those friends! I love when the girls come over and I get the privilege of being included. Memories I will hold dear.
- I know that you are an incredibly beautiful young lady! And NO I don’t say this because I’m your mom and I have to! I say this because you truly are beautiful, inside and out. I want you to know when you spend time taking that perfect selfie of yourself and criticizing your looks, whether it be your nose, your smile or whatever thing you’re picking about yourself…I don’t see a single flaw. Your smile is my world! Do not lose it finding who you are and your place in this world. Remember you always have a place with me). Do not allow people to discourage your smile. Surround yourself with people who ring out that smile!
- You are smart. It doesn’t matter if you don’t do well on a test or if you aren’t in the same class as another. As you stress about college and figuring out what to do with your future self, know it will all work out. You will find your way! When you talk to me about life issues I see how smart you really are and I learn from you on the daily! Never sell yourself short! You have far too much to offer to second guess yourself.
- I know that you are the total package!! You can not ever question or compromise your self-worth! You are valuable and deserving. Applaud yourself, but stay humble. Love yourself. I wish you could see you, the way that I do. You are so very important to many, especially your mama.
Most importantly, you must also know, your most amazing asset is your heart of overflowing love and understanding and compassion! You are an incredible big sister to a baby who adores you! You’re always conscious and inquiring of your big brothers who aren’t any longer around as much anymore. I love that you miss them and worry about them even though they are grown ups now. You show kindness, humanity and empathy to everyone you connect with. And that my love, it’s the greatest gift to share with the world.
I watch you everyday and notice things about you, you don’t know. They are things I should tell you more! So I’m telling you now, I see you. I am here for you. I understand you. I love you!
Love,
You very proud mom
