Intentional. What does it mean to be intentional in our lives?
We read a lot about mom things; self-care, exercising, healthy living, or giving grace to ourselves as moms.
But what about how to keep the love alive in our marriages? What about being intentional with our spouses? Marriage can be hard.
Adding life stressors, children, work, and only having 24 hours a day {and at least six of those hours need to be saved for sleep – if you’re lucky} can only make it harder. Maybe this doesn’t describe you. Maybe your marriage is easy and you’re in your “sweet spot.” That’s great!
However, if you happen to be one of those moms who is trying to juggle it all, including a marriage relationship, grab your drink of choice, sit back, and tune in.
Let me begin by stating that I am NOT a marriage expert. I’m a mom, just like you. I have fears, doubts, and insecurities. I mess up a lot and once in a while, I might get a thing or two right. I am learning how to navigate motherhood, wife-life, and entrepreneurship all at once. All of which are important to me but sometimes I catch myself putting my marriage on the backburner to make time for the other things. It’s not intentional, it just happens sometimes and before I know it I start to miss my husband as we become ‘passing ships in the night.’
I want to be better. So my husband and I sat down and got serious about how we could be more intentional with our time and each other while growing and flourishing in our marriage.
Here’s how we decided to be intentional in our marriage:
- Get intentional about communicating. My husband and I are both in the health care services. After serving and helping others all day and spending time with our daughter, by the time we get to have time with just the two of us we have used up all our and brain capacity to listen. We acknowledged that we are both tired at the end of the day but that our marriage matters enough to fit in time to communicate – about important things {holiday plans, upcoming expenses, etc.}, our goals, wins, and even our struggles. We need to focus on the more intimate stuff; the stuff that makes a relationship. So we decided we needed to plan time together without devices, television, or interruptions to have this time to just talk. It doesn’t happen every night but if we can do this at least once a week, we parent better and feel heard by each other.
- We give 20-second kisses and 30-second hugs. I recently read this in the book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, and I told my husband we needed to start practicing it. It’s simple and it does make a difference. Not only does it reduce stress levels and release endorphins, but it takes our ‘routine’ everyday quick kiss greeting and at least once a day turns it into something more intentional. Our daughter thinks it’s gross – but I think it’s important for her to know her parents love each other.
- Learn new hobbies and try new things together. We decided to start being more creative with our date nights vs the usual dinner and a movie. Don’t get me wrong; we love getting out for dinner together, just the two of us. However, learning a new activity together or going hiking and exploring in new places makes our designated time for the two of us that more special. We are not only creating new memories but learning and seeing new things together for the first time. There’s something really special about that.
- Check-in with each other’s goals/dreams. This one is probably more important to me than my husband. I’m the dreamer of the two of us and I LOVE goals. It’s not that my husband doesn’t dream or have goals, but I’m the one most likely to dream up the next vacation, the five-year and ten-year plans, etc. I used to just set my goals and dreams and run with them. Being a natural-born leader, this just seems like the most natural thing to do. However, I wasn’t always including my husband in those life dreams. I just assumed he wanted what I wanted. HA! Guess what ladies? Your man probably wants different things and wants to have a say in life goals – even if they’re not big talkers or goal setters. So now I make it a priority {usually during our set aside conversation time} to ask him about his dream home, his dream vacation, his ten-year plan. Most times, it lines up with mine, but there are more details to the dreams now.
- A sex life cannot be the last thing you think about; make it the first. I know, I know. This gets personal. But here’s the deal; it’s important for a healthy marriage. I am guilty of making it the last thing I think about because, well, I’m thinking about everything else as a mom! However, planning it into our week makes it kind of fun and gives us something to look forward to when life is crazy. Not to say that spontaneity has to go out the window, but this just gives us something to look forward to when life gets busy. Take it or leave it.
I want to hear your thoughts too! Do you do intentional things in your marriage? What things have you found to be help work on your relationship?
