No matter how others make it look, motherhood is tough. There’s no manual for your little human. Here are ten things I learned as a new mom that might help you navigate the world, your marriage, and your emotions.
It’s hard.
Coming from a leadership career in a fast-paced, high-pressured, ever-changing environment, I figured I’d adapt to motherhood with minor bumps along the way. On the contrary, it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. There are no awards for keeping them alive and happy another day. However, it’s one of the most beautiful, rewarding, and wonderful things I’ve ever experienced.
Relationships will change.
You may lose best friends who you thought you’d be rocking on front porches with when you’re 80. Conversely, existing friendships will strengthen and you’ll make new ones in ways you didn’t think possible before. I made a friend last week buying a bike trailer. I’ve connected with amazing ladies in the middle of the grocery store. It may feel like you’re back in that awkward kindergarten “first day of school phase,” but put yourself out there, be positive, and you’ll attract similar energies.
You will change.
This probably leads to some of the relationship losses just mentioned. You will inevitably change while holding on to the core parts of the you before motherhood. In some ways, these changes are for the better. For me, I was never very good at standing up for myself before, and now I’m a Mama Bear protecting her cub and family. From my experience, most relationships in my life were able to accept and embrace those changes. Some were not. Of those, I have wished them peace and let them go.
The healing process is real.
I read a lot about childbirth, attended the classes, talked with other Mamas, watched the videos. Nothing prepared me for that first time I stood up post-giving birth. The ice diapers. The witch hazel pads. The physical and emotional healing process is a journey without timelines. Be kind to yourself – you just brought life into this world! It takes time to heal, especially as you’re giving loving care to a brand new little one.
The love is strong.
It’s just like they said it would be. The love I have for this tiny human being fills my heart up like nothing I’ve ever known before. When she smiles and laughs, I feel complete. When she cries, I hurt with her. It is a pure, fulfilling, amazing, and bright kind of love.
Crazy advice abounds {even more so than in pregnancy}.
Pre-baby and hormonal crash, I was pretty good at filtering out advice. Besides, I didn’t have a little one I was caring for yet and was open to anything and everything. After Ella came, some pretty funky advice came out of the woodwork. I recommend being mindful that people are meaning well, but protect your sanity and tell people when they need to shut it down.
Date nights may look different now – but make them happen.
Michael and I have been married for a little over a year. Our “out-on-the-town” nights have morphed into cooking dinner and playing a board game at home, or working on projects together. It’s still nice to get out once in a while, but we try to do one of these date nights at home once a week. Make time and put in the effort.
Empower your partner and let them be a parent.
Aside from physically producing breast milk, my husband is able to do everything I can with our daughter. He’s been by my side since day one doing it – and I’ve empowered him to do so. We may have different approaches on some things, but they each work for us. The things we find “major,” we’ve discussed and have come to an agreement on how to proceed. As a result, it’s helped each of us develop our own special relationship with Ella and in turn strengthened our marriage.
Ask for help in the way you need it.
We were flooded with help and love when Ella arrived and after she came home. We still need help today. I’ve found that if you can be very specific about the kind of help you need, it helps others, and in turn will help you!
We’re all doing the best we can.
All of us are doing the best we can to raise happy, healthy kids. It doesn’t matter where we differ on the how – we all have the same end goal in mind.
