BOOM. Grief can come out of nowhere and hit you with a ton of bricks. Grief hurts like hell, too, and sometimes I can barely get out of bed.
After losing my daughter, I could not bring myself to therapy. I only felt comfortable talking to my OBGYN, fellow grieving mommas, my husband and best friends. But something wasn’t clicking. The gears were moving, but I wasn’t going anywhere.
Don’t get me wrong. My husband is a God-send and my best friends are hands down the rock I stand on, but something wasn’t clicking.
When we experience grief, we go through the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. But there is a part of life that goes completely out the window: Control.
I lost control over who I was. I lost control of my schedule and cried at the drop of a hat. I lost control of my identity as a mom and I lost control of myself. Everything after death seems so abstract.
Like, why did our loved one have to leave? And why am I still here instead? When is that ‘something’ going to click?
Well, grief ruins us and strengthens us at the same time.
I have regained control of who I am. I have regained control of my schedule so much more than before. I have learned to love my identity as a mom and I have learned to love myself with the help of antidepressants, working out, and baking.
You read that correctly.
Baking has helped me through my grief and is one of my main coping mechanisms. I was hesitant at first when a fellow grieving momma told me to try baking, but I seriously love it now.
Now, before you rush to Barnes and Noble to buy the first cookbook you see, let me tell you why baking has helped give me control.
1 – Baking is a focused and calculated sport. Knowing what ingredients are in a recipe and how much of each goes into a bowl will help calm your anxiety of any unknowns. You are in control of what is in front of you.
2 – Baking is therapeutic. There is a start and an end to baking, which really helped me as I can control what I do and when I do it. You can also put your stress into baking. Try and stay stressed while kneading bread. That is seriously a workout.
3 – Baking is extremely mindful and can be an escape. You have to focus on what you are doing right in the moment. When you are in the kitchen at the oven, outside noise is eliminated or at least toned down.
4 – What you bake is extremely sweet and so good for the soul! Now, the way I bake isn’t exactly healthy, but you can definitely venture into gluten-free and vegan baking once you feel comfortable with the basics. Once you are done, good job momma! You should be super proud of yourself for going out of your comfort zone!
5 – You can discover a new love language: gifts. My neighbors and husband probably have a love/hate relationship with me after all the baking I have done. No doubt they love receiving sweets but hate how they maybe can’t fit into their pants as comfortably.
Have I piqued your interest yet? If I have, let’s just dive into the deep end together. What is something you like to eat for dessert? The same friend who first recommended baking as a coping mechanism told me to bake something that I like. That makes the journey so enjoyable.
Now, every recipe may not be a Grand Slam out of your kitchen and that’s okay! Just recently, I nearly set my in-law’s brand new house on fire because my dessert caught on fire. I was mortified at the hibachi style fire igniting in the oven. Anywho, as long as you set aside time for yourself and do things that you enjoy, that is all that matters.
Check out my favorite baking book wherever books are sold: Beginner’s Baking Bible: 130+ Recipes and Techniques for New Bakers.
*Note: I am not a licensed physician or therapist. I am just a grieving momma sharing her personal story to hopefully help other grieving mommas.
