In a day and age where children know more about technology than their parents, monitoring their online activity is crucial. Let me tell you a story about why…
When I was 15-years-old, I met a man on the Internet. To say I was naïve is an understatement. As a teenager, I wasn’t thinking of the consequences. I ended up meeting him in person and it eventually led to one of the most painful experiences of my life.
My mom worked a lot and my dad was a raging alcoholic. I spent a lot of time on my own. I basically raised myself, despite my mom not necessarily agreeing with that statement. Regardless, I met a man and did a lot of sneaking around while my mom was at work. I believed him and thought he was a 19-year-old from Detroit. I would later learn the truth…
He would only come around for one thing, but he gave me the attention I wasn’t getting elsewhere and I never considered the consequences. I never thought once about getting pregnant.
I snuck around meeting him before school, at midnight in his car, even sometimes in the middle of the night. I can’t say that my mom let me go, but it was very easy to sneak out. I also ran around with some girls who had a lot of experience in this area. So, when I missed my first period, my friend was quick to suggest I take a pregnancy test. We left our alternative adult high school and went to a local convenience store to buy one. I used it in the bathroom stall and that was the first time I ever experienced a pregnancy test and a plus-sign.
The first thing I did was tell the “dad.” I honestly don’t even remember telling my mom. I do remember the emotions I felt. I will never forget hearing her call me I was a slut or her anger over having a biracial grandchild. In fact, that’s all I kept hearing. She did not want a biracial grandchild. Being 15-years-old, I was also unable to get a stable job. My mom told me I would have to go to an “unwed mothers home” and I was scared out of my mind. My mom, the one person I had, was going to send me off into the world as a single parent.
One day after school, my mom took me to the abortion clinic. I was about three months pregnant at the time and it was December.
We were in the waiting room a long time before the nurse took me back. She tried to tell me about all of the things I would miss by becoming a teen mom like sports, dances, and whatever else she could think of. But, what she didn’t know was that I was already basically on my own. I didn’t have family support, I didn’t play on any school teams and I didn’t go to dances. In fact, her very words were, “Well, then I guess you won’t be missing very much.” It was as if she had actually agreed with me that keeping my baby wouldn’t hinder my future. But, it didn’t matter. When she brought my mom back, they kept telling me how the baby wasn’t even “a baby” yet. My mom asked about the heartbeat. The nurse again told me that at three months the baby wasn’t even a baby. Of course, I didn’t believe any of it and I still desperately wanted my baby.
That same day I had my very first ultrasound. The machine was turned away from me so I couldn’t see the baby. When I asked to see it, I was told no. They never did allow me to see the baby, I think because they knew how much I wanted it.
It broke me. It still breaks me to this day.
After the abortion, I still wanted my mom’s love and approval. So badly, in fact, I even told her I understood why she made me do it, which was not the truth. My mom made a decision for me that I still don’t feel was hers to make. And I still feel this way, even after learning the “19-year-old” who impregnated me was actually a 30-something father who already had a child of his own.
I still struggle with the fact that I had an abortion with little say in the matter. I would have a 16-year-old today if things had played out differently. I’ll never know what he or she would’ve looked like, what their favorite color would have been, or what it took to soothe him/her as a baby.
As a mother now, it makes me think about it even more. There is a hole in my heart that will never be filled.
I am sharing my story in hopes that other parents will not make the same mistakes.
I’ve often heard parents say they don’t check their child’s phone because they trust them. I’m here to tell you that checking your child’s devices does not mean you don’t trust them, it means you are trying to prevent them from decisions that may alter their future. Children don’t always realize that once you send something out into the World Wide Web it’s there for good. They don’t always know that someone could be lurking on the other side with ill intentions. Call out random phone checks without notice, listen in on their phone conversations, and check the apps they are using.
In my home, there is no such thing as technology privacy.
Does your own past influence how you monitor your child’s online activity?
