I didn’t know I was supposed to feel bad about having a C-section. I didn’t realize just how big the stigma is around having a C-section until I started seeing it pop up everywhere.
I shouldn’t be surprised. It seems everything in motherhood has been deemed a competition, from latching and milk production to who can lose the baby weight the fastest. I am all about doing what is best for ourselves and our children, but some of this stuff we just don’t have any control over. Having a C-section is one of those things and I am one of those women.
I didn’t plan to deliver my baby via Caesarean section {trust me, it wasn’t my first choice}, but even with all of the noise, I don’t feel bad about it and I never will. No one will shame me for how my son came into this world and YOU shouldn’t have any negative thoughts about the way your baby came into the world either.
I am a very proud C-section mama. I’m just a proud mama, period.
I carried my baby boy for 9+ months. I had a great pregnancy. Some would even say I had an easy pregnancy, although carrying a baby is anything but easy. I had to have a C-section to ensure my son’s safety. I will never be anything but proud of doing what I had to do to protect him. After all, I am his greatest protector.
So many complications can arise during labor. Keeping that in mind, I thought about my delivery quite a bit while I was pregnant but I never got too hung up on the details of my dream birth plan. I understood the need to be flexible. Maybe it’s the medical side of me, but I just knew that I had no control over how things were going to go down once I was at the hospital. I’m thankful I had that mindset going into my journey.
Prior to getting married and becoming a mom, I was working as a Clinical Infection Preventionist at Beaumont Royal Oak. The natural birthing center was relatively new and while out on rounds one day, a co-worker and I ended up touring the center. It was stunning, like – 5-star hotel stunning. The room was huge but comforting, with beautiful decor, calm vibes, a ginormous jacuzzi tub, a huge bed draped with fresh white fluffy linens, and a very nice shower. This place was an absolute dream! Who wouldn’t want to bring their new bundle of joy into the world this way?!
The nurse that took us on the tour explained how wonderful the natural birthing experience is. I started thinking that it might be something I would consider if I am blessed to be pregnant someday. I about thought how a natural birth would be the best start to my child’s life.
Fast forward to me actually being pregnant with my son. I again considered the natural birthing center early on but not seriously. Something told me that it wasn’t the right choice for me. Maybe it was the medical side of me talking again.
I just knew that I wanted to be close to medical staff and proper medical equipment, in case anything came up. The natural birthing center was just down the hall from labor and delivery, but in my mind, that distance could be precious time wasted in an emergency situation.
My due date was March 10, 2018.
On the evening of March 3, I went to an awards ceremony for my husband’s work. I started having light contractions shortly after dinner. The woman sitting next to us jokingly said, “Are you going to have this baby tonight?” I laughed it off thinking maybe I would. It wouldn’t be that easy though.
My husband and I went home that night and I suffered through what I thought were pretty intense contractions all night long. I was on the floor. I was on the couch. I was in the bathtub. By the morning, this seemed like the real deal. I called my mom and told her we were heading to the hospital which was an hour away.
That would prove to be one of the longest hours of my life! One hour in a car while having contractions is some form of human torture. I couldn’t believe how painful it was becoming. We got to the hospital, checked in, and waited to see the doctor. He checked my cervix and told me that I was not in active labor.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I had been having intense contractions for hours. I had not slept at all. I begged to be admitted. They refused. They told us that we could go home or go walk for a while to see if that would kick me into active labor.
There was no way I was getting back into that car, so my pregnant butt started walking! We walked all over that hospital for a couple of hours. It was grueling. I would hug the wall every time I had another contraction. Based on our time-keeping, it seemed that the contractions were closer together now. We headed back to labor and delivery with hopes of being admitted.
They checked my cervix and I was at 2cm. Ideally, they would have liked to have seen more progress, but they decided to keep me. They put me on bed rest and had me sleep for a few hours, in hopes that when I woke up and be in much more active labor.
I woke up that evening and things were still progressing very slowly. The contractions were horrific though. They lasted minutes that seemed like hours. I didn’t know how long I could endure the discomfort. I was already exhausted.
Monday morning came and they decided to induce me. I was excited to get this show on the road. Things were moving now, but I was already worn out. There came a point when I couldn’t handle one more contraction, so I asked for the epidural. Ask and you shall receive! Except getting the epidural was a terrible experience too. I was sweating profusely, I felt so weak, and was as white as a ghost. I wasn’t hanging in there very well. Once it kicked in, things changed for the better. My body needed that break so badly.
Evening came. We had visitors. Our family was there distracting me and keeping me positive. I was socializing and happy. I was still making progress, but it was slow. We also found out that baby was head down but facing the wrong way. We tried to get him to shift but with no luck.
It was starting to get late. They were checking my cervix often. At one point, when they checked my temperature I had a mild fever. This is not a good sign when you’re in labor. My amniotic fluid was infected. It was likely that bacteria had been introduced during one of the cervix checks.
My labor was no longer business as usual.
My OB showed up. She told me that I would be having a C-section. She assured me that she didn’t want it to go this way and that it wasn’t an emergency, but she didn’t want it to end up being one either.
Within a few minutes, the script changed drastically. I had a lot of people in my room prepping me for surgery. I didn’t have much time to even think about what was about to happen. Maybe that was for the best. I was terrified. I was really scared about what was happening. I was crying as my mom took my jewelry off. It was all so rushed. Everyone kept reassuring me that it was going to be ok. My dad’s picture was next to my bed. I knew he would be looking after me from Heaven. He always does.
Next thing I knew, I was in a very cold, sterile surgical room on the surgery table. I was shaking uncontrollably. My teeth were chattering. My husband was getting prepped and finally joined my side.
Then it all went down. It felt like forever. You can’t feel the pain of the surgery, but you can feel that they are working on you. You can feel the pressure and the pulling. My husband watched a lot of it. God bless him.
I finally heard my baby cry. The tears filled my eyes. Relief, like I have never experienced.
I knew my baby had made it. He was alive. He was crying. All was right in the world in that small moment. A few minutes later I got to kiss him. That was one of the most incredible moments of my entire life. I will hold onto that forever and cherish it.
They needed to treat me and our son with antibiotics right away as a preventative measure because of the infected amniotic fluid. We decided that my husband would stay with our son every step of the way after he was born. That is one of the best decisions we made. He followed him to every test and kept a close watch. I needed my husband, but my son needed him more.
I had to go straight to recovery where I continued to shake uncontrollably for the next couple of hours. In the wee hours of Tuesday morning, I met my son in our recovery room. My adrenaline was still pumping and I didn’t sleep a wink that night. I laid with my beautiful boy in my arms and relished in my new role as his mother and his everything.
Having a C-section doesn’t make my birth story more or less than any other.
If anything, having an unplanned C-section is very scary. I would have done whatever I had to do to make sure my son’s journey into this world was as safe as possible. I will never allow anyone to make me feel like I somehow failed in birthing him. My son is a smart, sweet, handsome boy who is going to impact this world in a big way and I can’t wait to see it.
