I’m Failing as a Mom and it’s OK

As I hear the words, “You’re a bad mom!” shouted at me from the small human in my kitchen, I cringe. Out of her own frustration and anger, our daughter has just informed me of one of my greatest fears – that I am failing as a mom. 

failingGranted, she is four and a half and I had just asked her to go brush her teeth {for the 4th time}. However, these words still sting and a wave of guilt comes over me. “Am I really failing as a mom?” I then have to brush it off as quickly as the thought comes. I may be far from perfect and in that moment, to her, I might be a bad mom, but it’s ok.

Most days, I make mistakes. I am not perfect. I lose my temper and don’t always respond out of love or kindness. Sometimes I let her have too much screen time and expect more than I should out of a four-year-old. Other times, I ask her to ‘go play’ and be creative by herself. Playing with my daughter can be hard, especially when there’s laundry, dishes, meal prepping, and emails to answer. Yes, in those moments, screen time is much easier. It’s not that I don’t WANT to play with her, but life is full.

We give our daughter ‘choices.’ If you see her walking around in the cold without a coat or with sandals on; she won’t freeze, but she will learn to dress appropriately for the weather. Sometimes, it’s ME who is throwing a tantrum, but then I apologize. I over explain things. I tell her I love her a thousand times a day and sometimes I hide in the bathroom and cry. I’m not failing. I’m learning to give grace to myself and to my daughter, while teaching her to do the same.

If I was to ever be compared to social media highlights, analyzed by a child behavioralist {If you fall into this category please don’t tell me you’re analyzing me as a parent}, or actually had to talk calmly, engage 100% of the time, and show patience all day long…I would look like I’m failing. I know these ‘standards’ are not real life and you should too. We are all just tiny humans {in adult bodies} trying to navigate feelings, emotions, stress, hunger, sleepiness, and even fear. We learn from these experiences, give ourselves grace, and work to do better next time. Exactly what we teach our kiddos, right? We all feel the same things from time to time and there’s nothing like a miniature version of yourself to bring out the best – usually when you’re exhausted and feeling a little ‘hangry.’ 

I know I’m not failing as a mom because I will be the first to say I’m sorry. I teach my child to problem solve when working with others. To give her responsibilities is to teach her self-respect and to respect others and the things she has. I show her that somedays, we just need a rest day and it sometimes looks like a cartoon marathon.

I hope I teach her that life is about moderation and that it’s okay to have that ice cream cone before supper once in a while. In our home, we teach to act and talk out of kindness and love. However, we are all human and sometimes we mess up and we say “I’m sorry.” I’m teaching her to make her own choices and that there are consequences for choices. 

No, I am far from perfect and I mess up every single day but I work to be a better version of myself. So, if that means I’m failing as a mom, then I’m okay with that. 

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Hi! I'm Cassie Butters and I am an Occupational Therapist, run my own health and wellness business, while juggling all things 'mom.' On various days you can catch me running, crafting with my kiddo, exploring the great outdoors, helping others with their wellness goals, or writing on wellness and mom life. While I don't punch in a "full-time" work schedule; running a business, treating clients, and being a mom keep me well occupied! My husband and I are natives to the Mitten State and we reside in Jackson, Michigan with our fun-loving, 4-year-old daughter and our fur-baby; Lambeau. I'm so excited to be a part of this amazing group and having the opportunity to share motherhood and adventures in Mid-Michigan with all of you!