How many times have we said to ourselves, I can’t “wife” today? As in, I’m over-touched, over-tired, and just plain over it. Yeah, I’ve been guilty of those thoughts on the regular. It’s tough trying to be an individual, wife, and mom. We wear so many “hats” throughout the day that we don’t have any energy left to be intimate, let alone even be sexy with our husband. There’s a laundry list of things that need to get done and our minds have the hardest time shutting it all out when the day comes to an end. Spoiler alert: Intimacy helps!
Being married with children is really hard sometimes.
Sure, we look forward to watching our kids grow into cute little humans. We instill values in them that we believe are important and we work hard to provide a great life for them. But, what we often leave behind is the part that first got us to motherhood; getting married to our spouse. Can I be honest here for a minute? As moms, and especially for those of us at home, we get so caught up in kissing boo-boos, making crafts, giving hugs, disciplining, and so forth, that we leave our husbands in the dust. Hear me out…
Guys often feel put out in left field.
While us women think that prepping a great meal, having the house clean, wrangling the kids, and having laundry finished is all more important to our men; we’re pretty far out in left field ourselves. I asked my husband this question one day while reading the book For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn, “What matters more to you – coming home to a warm meal or being intimate together?” His answer, without hesitation, “Intimacy. I could go with the house messy, no warm meal, and laundry piled up if we were regularly intimate.” Yikes.
Ladies, don’t panic – we’re just wired differently.
While all of those things listed above matter to us, it mostly doesn’t matter to the man in our lives. Ask him that same question and you’d be surprised that his answer is close to or the same as my husband’s. It’s important to understand that I’m not saying give him what he wants all of the time, because there are times when we just can’t and that is ok. What I am saying is… he does need intimacy. Why?
It is proven that men need intimacy in order to feel desired and “manly.”
Think about it. Men, like my husband, feel more confident in themselves when they’re intimate with their spouse. They feel loved, desired, and ultimately feel like they can conquer the world! It’s the same for us women when the kids are acting like angels, the house is clean, laundry is done, and dinner is ready {all at the same time}. Y’all, I don’t know about you, but, I feel like I can take on anything when that happens.
Don’t worry, you’re not failing. You just need to adjust your perspective.
Often times, we see intimacy as a chore and I think it’s time to see it as a way to communicate to our husbands that we love them, desire them, and respect their top need. I know it’s not easy to get “in the mood” after a day of boogers, wiping butts, kisses, hugs, and the like, but every time you are intimate with your husband, you’re filling his love tank. In return, he’ll love and pursue you the best he possibly can and he’ll also be more apt to express love to your kid{s} no matter what the day throws at him.
There are other needs, but this one takes the cake.
His other important needs like being respected, trusted, and so on. But, this is one they think about CONSTANTLY. So, why not fulfill it? I’ll admit, I’m not perfect with this one, it’s a work in progress. But, at the end of the day, when the kids are grown and out of the house, it will be just the two of you again. I understand that some of us, like me, have been through traumatic incidents in our lives that hinder our intimacy. Be open with your husband and help him understand. In fulfilling his need, he wants to understand how to fulfill your needs while being intimate too. Love him well, ladies and he will love you well in return.
