Momjo. I realize I’m making up a word, but it’s fitting so I’m going to roll with it. Mom + mojo = Momjo.
It’s that special, transcendent quality that inherently shines through us all as we raise and guide our children through the world.
It’s who we are as we relate to ourselves, to one another, even to our spouses as we journey and grow through each season of motherhood. It’s the sum of our triumphs and tragedies, our parenting and personal wins and losses.
It’s who we are at our core, the essence of who we are as moms and women. Our momjo is hard-won and magical.
After turning 40, I lost mine.
I wore my momjo like a badge of honor for nearly a decade. Confident in my role. Knowing my place. Secure in my approach. Then, in the span of a few months, everything changed. My momjo was taken hostage. Like a snowglobe in a toddler’s hands, my life was continuously shaken and flipped upside down.
I turned 40. My youngest baby started Kindergarten. My oldest baby, on the brink of turning 10, started to need me less. My role as a daughter to two aging parents monumentally shifted. Amid these changes, my husband and I sold our house in one day. In a blur, we packed up our life, placed it into boxes and relocated our family.
A new decade and four major life changes into the year, and I just can’t seem to get back to being me. I’m trying to right my snowglobe. But as the little pieces fall and attempt to settle back into place, not everything fits. Things have changed so much that I’m not sure everything from my “old” life has a place.
Slowly, I’m starting to understand that maybe that’s ok.
Motherhood – life! – is not static. It’s forever growing and evolving. Our momjo changes as our kids grow, and we inevitably grow right along with them. It ebbs and flows with the different times and tides of our lives. Moving to the next phase of things, of life, of motherhood happens. Sometimes it’s natural, other times it may be forced. Either way, there’s no guarantee that it will be easy.
We’ve all heard the phrase you’re only given what you can handle. I’ve never subscribed to this platitude. Sometimes life is just plain hard. Sometimes we can’t handle everything, and we shouldn’t be expected to. Sometimes it takes more than just you to get through whatever you may be going through. And it’s so important to share that.
I know I’m not the only mom who has lost her momjo. For whatever reason, you may feel like you have lost your own way. That you can’t get back on track. That you’re not living up to who you should be as a mom, as a friend, or as a spouse or partner. You may feel frustrated and disappointed in yourself. The pieces of your life that once sat so securely and nicely in place, just might not fit any longer.
If that’s you, please know that you are not alone. Owning your momjo doesn’t mean you have to be Supermom, Superwife or Super-anything, for that matter. It doesn’t mean that you can’t or shouldn’t be vulnerable. It’s ok if you’re not ok.
That special, transcendent quality that shines through you will return. It might look and feel a little different. It might not be very comfortable at first. But you will find yourself again. Like me, you will slowly adjust and gradually reconnect with your very hard-won, magical and ever-evolving momjo.
