Ladies, let’s talk about our husbands. This married life thing; it’s hard.
My hubby and I, we’re three and a half years in, two kids deep, and a whole lot of busy right now. Our lives are pretty much this – I see him when he comes home from work around 5 {sometimes later} from being in a shop all day. We say “hey”, we eat {most times separately because, well, kids}, and then before we know it, it’s time to hit the sack. Oh wait, the baby wants to nurse until 1am from time to time too. We hardly have time for each other and we’re always tired.
Most guys, at this point, get frustrated. Am I right? Ladies, let’s face it – over time, we lose who we used to be. We look different and even act different {which is totally normal!}. Husbands often feel both unheard and sexually deprived. If they’re anything like my hubby, they get a slamming headache most days when they come home from work and just want to sit in their car rather than diving head first into the chaos of home life. Life gets noisy and some times all they want is an escape. The culture often tells them to “man up” and get in there and just “deal with it”. Sure, once in a while I feel like some men need to hear that. I know I’m guilty of telling my husband that my life is far crazier than his. In my opinion, though, saying that to him is dead wrong.
What if we shifted the mindset of “my day was crazier than yours” to “both of our days were equally crazy”? How would that change our perspective of our husbands? How would that change their attitude towards us? This was something I had to realize before I could talk to my hubby without getting frustrated. I would get so mad at him for saying, “my day was horrible”.
Like, really? I had been pooped on, peed on, had a toddler throw herself on the floor because she didn’t want to leave somewhere, was nursing our baby and our daughter decided to take off in a public place and I had to chase her with an unhooked bra, and then she decided to pee in her car seat and thought it was funny. All in the course of one, 5-hour time span. How on Earth was your day horrible?
I had to realize this one thing: Husbands don’t think like us.
Truth be told, they really don’t. They compartmentalize thoughts and ideas. The best way someone told me to see this concept was, men think in boxes and women think like a bowl of spaghetti. With men, everything has its own box. With women, every thought is like a noodle in a bowl; connected to each other. And this is all ok! It’s how we’re wired differently. Once I thought about that profound truth, it made total sense. Not saying men are dumb, they just think and do differently than us. So, here’s what I want to say to your spouses from us women who have fully grasped that concept.
Husbands, I see you.
I see all of the work you do to help your family. I see those tired eyes that try and stay awake to give your wife a break. I see that aching back after an hour of horsey rides with your littles. I see the stress on your face when the budget doesn’t work out that month. All of the little things you do behind the scenes that often get overlooked; I see them all. Husbands, you aren’t going unnoticed.
I can tell you from a wife and stay-at-home mom’s standpoint, everything you do is appreciated and seen. My husband works so I have the blessing of staying home with our littles. He takes out the trash so I can focus on story time with our daughter who LOVES to read. He shovels the snow so I can get the car out of the driveway to take our kids to the library. He works with me as a team so I’m able to go and be refreshed through mommy activities like going to the gym and fellowship with our dance group.
Husbands, I’m here to tell you that you deserve a break too.
It’s not often that you ask for breaks but, you should ask. And ladies, your hubby needs to have those breaks; even if he doesn’t say that he needs one. He should hang out with his buddies, go to a men’s group, do something he enjoys, or just let him have some quiet time. Just like we need a break, they do too. Your life as a wife and a mother is important, but, don’t let your husband go unnoticed or think that what he does is any less than what you do; you’re in this as a team.
What are some ways that you show your husband that he is valued?
