I can tell from the number of turtles I’ve seen on the roads that summer has finally arrived in Michigan.
While the emergence of turtles from their watery lairs is not yet acknowledged as an official sign of summer, it’s good enough for me.
If you, like me, like to set a good nature-loving example for your children, you may have pulled your car over to save the reptile from its peril. I have found that this makes fellow commuters impatient, but it doesn’t stop me, most of the time. I put on my flashers, pull over as far as I can, and let my kids roll down the windows and cheer me on while I pick up the cute painted turtle and move it out of harm’s way.
But there is one thing that can make this into a little bit of a dangerous pastime: if said reptile is actually a snapping turtle.
Let’s break it down.
Non-Threatening Turtles
Most turtles that I have seen crossing the road have been painted turtles or something similar. These guys are typically about the size of my hand or smaller. They pull their heads and legs into their shells as soon as I approach. Most notably, their tails are skinny and cute. Sometimes their necks and legs are stripey.
Caution: These guys like to tinkle when you pick them up. Hold it away from your body.
Turtles to Look Out For
Snapping turtles, on the other hand, look like they crawled straight out of The Neverending Story {1984}. Do you remember the giant turtle, Morla, in the Swamp of Sadness? I’m talking about an epic creature that is terrifying to behold.
If you’re not sure you’re facing a snapper, look at the shell. Is it covered in algae? Probably a snapper. They can live for a long time, and apparently, housekeeping isn’t big with them. Does it look like something left over from prehistoric times? Snapping turtle. It has huge legs that do not retract into the shell. The biggest giveaway for me that a turtle is of the snapping variety is the tail. A snapping turtle looks like it borrowed a tail from an alligator.
Even my husband balks at moving these baddies. Don’t believe the folk tales you’ve heard about turtles being slow — they can move when they want to! And your Achilles tendon looks very, very tasty. With toes for dessert.
So, what do I do?
When encountering a jaywalking snapping turtle, approach from the rear. In my opinion, if you have flip-flops or other open-toed shoes on, say a prayer for the critter and continue on your way.
Some people recommend grabbing Morla by her tail, but I have heard this can hurt her. If you’re saving her from traffic, you probably don’t want to hurt her in the process.
I have also heard to pick them up by gripping the back of the shell. This also seems very up-close and personal to me. I don’t want to get to know this creature any better than I have to in order to do my good Samaritan bit.
My husband keeps a shovel in his back seat for just this sort of situation. I am currently cruising garage sales for one to keep in my car.
The best way might be to offer the blade of the shovel to the snapper. Luckily, if it bites down, it’s not on you. And you’re basically on the other end of a long stick. Now, if she holds on, you can gently pull her to the side of the road. {If you don’t have a shovel, someone suggested a car floor mat for the same purpose.}
Another, less graceful option is to very carefully slip the blade of the shovel under her hindquarters and help her move more quickly to safety.
One More Thing
For the most part, I find turtles on small back roads and pulling over and walking around in the road isn’t particularly hazardous. Other motorists often think I’m a lunatic, but they are courteous.
If you spy a reptile in need of rescuing on, say I-75, you may need to leave it to the professionals.
