What to Read When a Loved One Dies: Book Picks from a Librarian Mama

When my aunt was in hospice care, my husband and I decided to start preparing our four-year-old for her death and funeral. 

My daughter knew my aunt well and I expected her to have a lot of questions. I started making a book list and brought home everything the library had. After reading a lot — both together with our daughter and on my own — I wanted to share the books that stuck with us and really helped us through, in hopes that they can help other parents, too. 

casket with flowers

Most of the books are general enough that they could apply to many different situations. There are plenty of more specific ones that deal directly with the loss of an individual person like a sibling or a grandparent, books about cancer or other illnesses, and books relating to specific religious practices. At the end of the day, my favorites were the ones that painted a broad picture because they could be used alongside our conversations with our daughter to help illustrate the parts that were confusing or sad for her. 

A few notes: 

  • When I recommend books to parents in my job as a children’s librarian, I stress the importance of knowing what their child is reading. I strongly recommend reading these books first without your child. Many of them have introductions or instructions on how to read the book with your child, as well as other resources for parents that might be helpful in navigating deeper conversations.
  • The books I marked with an asterisk might be better for older kids or at least kids who can think more abstractly. For example, one deals directly with the death of a parent, so make sure your child understands that you might not be talking about their own parents while reading the book.

Always Remember, by Cece Meng

A beautifully illustrated picture book that shows how loved ones live on in our memories of them. After Old Turtle dies, the animals who knew him remember his kindness, curiosity, laughter, and friendship. Even though he is gone, he lives on as they pass his actions on to others.

The Rabbit Listened, by Cori Doerrfeld

A story not just about death, but about how to deal with big feelings in the face of loss. The child in the story is grieving and everyone comes along and tries to help in their own way, which ends up not being very helpful. Then Rabbit comes along and just listens while the child works through their own grief. 

Lifetimes: A Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children, by Bryon Mellonie

This book talks about how all lives, including animals, plants, and people, have a beginning and end with “living” in-between. It illustrates how some lifetimes are long {like trees and people} and how some are short {like butterflies and vegetables} while acknowledging that it can be sad when people die. I love this book’s gentle, comforting tone and repetition, which helped my daughter wrap her head around the concept of death as a normal part of life. 

Death is Stupid, by Anastasia Higginbotham

I know a lot of families {mine included!} treat “stupid” like a bad word, but this book makes a great case for using it. People say lots of confusing things to kids when someone dies: “We lost her.” Then find her! “We can’t, honey. She’s gone.” Gone WHERE? It goes on to explain that even though someone dies, we can still remember them and keep the connections we had to that person when they were alive. It refers specifically to the child’s grandma and has some discussion about pets dying as well. 

Is Daddy Coming Back in a Minute? and What Happened to Daddy’s Body?, by Elke Barber

I could write a whole post about my daughter’s enthusiastic reaction to these books, which she lovingly called “the dead dad books” and wanted to read over and over, much to my husband’s chagrin — but that’s a story for another time. These books, written by a mother whose husband died suddenly, were very helpful for us to explain the concepts of death and what happens next in a very straightforward way without sugarcoating anything. The books cover the dad’s sudden death and funeral, what happens to a dead body {e.g. burial or cremation}, what it means when we scatter ashes, how and why people die, and ultimately that it’s okay to move on — all presented in a story format and told in the author’s young son’s voice. 

child holding book "is daddy coming back in a minute?"

Something Very Sad Happened: A Toddler’s Guide to Understanding Death, by Bonnie Zucker

This book is appropriate for very young children and also has resources for parents at the beginning and end of the book. It also suggests that the reader modifies the story to refer to a specific loved one and signals this by adding color to words that the reader might consider changing {like “Grandma” and he/she pronouns}.

What Happens When a Loved One Dies?, by Dr. Jillian Roberts

I love this book for its simple question-and-answer format. It touches on the reasons people die {old age, illness, and sometimes even by accident}. It talks about funerals and a little bit about some religious aspects. There are additional questions in the back of the book that might help guide deeper conversations as well.

I hope that these book picks can be helpful to you if you are experiencing a loss in your family. What other parenting topics would you love to see in a children’s book list? Let me know in the comments!

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