I am fine. It will be fine.
Today I was sitting with someone whom I consider a friend. Someone who, when they say things, I tend to listen.
He said to me, “fine, isn’t fine.“
Holy crap. I let that sink in. He was right.
How many times do you get asked a question and you respond with “it’s fine.”, “I am fine,” or even “It’ll be fine.” For me, the answer is all the time. All of the time. The sad thing is, I didn’t even know I was doing it.
There are so many other things I could have said at that moment. It was a long day; I was tired. I could have been honest and said I just really needed a cup of coffee. I could have said I was glad to be at the meeting because I was. I could have responded with literally anything else. But I didn’t. I said, “Oh, I am fine.”
Is “fine”, really fine? I have been dwelling on this question. It’s a yes and no type of thing, right? You’re allowed to be fine. But you’re allowed to be more than fine or less than fine. You’re allowed to feel what you feel.
You’re allowed to talk about how you feel too. *Gasp* We aren’t robots.
It’s funny. I talk about emotions all the time with my kids. Little boys are allowed to be sad and show they are hurt. I teach them that they don’t have to be strong all the time, or they can be. I teach them to be happy, excited, mad, sad, and worried. We try to name each emotion, and they learn and express what works for them. They are openly allowed to express every feeling that is in their little body without judgment. But we don’t give ourselves the same grace. Why is that? I have no idea. But it’s frustrating.
I got home and looked at myself in the mirror, which I often do. Every day, multiple times a day. But this time, I really looked. I did a check-in. How was I feeling? The answer is confused, overwhelmed, happy, and exhausted. The list can go on and on. But none of the words that came to my mind in the mirror was “fine.” So, why is that my response when I am asked during the day? Do most of us do that?
At this point, “fine” had taken on a negative connotation. What if I was recommending a restaurant and gave a raving review of “Oh, it’s fine!” I doubt anyone would actually go there. Right? You’re literally saying that the restaurant is acceptable, satisfactory even. Does that sound good to you? Not really? Me either.
Change is hard for me. Changing something I didn’t even realize I was doing will take some time. I take pride in my openness with people, with my ability to relate and form relationships. I don’t want to come across as dishonest or nonchalant. But, unintentionally, that’s what I was doing.
Life is stressful, busy, and chaotic. But life is fun, spontaneous, and full of love and laughter. So you owe the person asking about you an honest answer. It can be in-depth or not. It can be as simple as an “I am good, thanks.” Or as deep as “Honestly, I am going through some things, but I hope it’ll work out in the end.”
There is a high chance that the person on the other end of the question genuinely cares. You should too.
My days of overtly responding with “it’s fine” are in my past, and they should be in yours too.
