I’m the Go-To Parent, and It’s Exhausting

The go-to parent. The parent who organizes the family schedule and helps to get everyone where they need to be. The parent who plans or cooks every meal for the week…unless it’s takeout. The parent who organizes the lunch packing and the clothes for the week. The parent that the school calls when the kids need something, or when they fall ill. The parent who reads and responds to all school emails, and fills out the countless, necessary forms. The parent that my kids will always seek our first. The parent that, really, everyone seeks out first.

That’s me. I am the go-to parent and, frankly, it’s exhausting.

When my children were little, I relished my go-to role. I have a teetering Type-A personality. I say teetering because, for the most part, I like to be in charge and control of what’s going on and happening with our family. Organization is my jam, and it throws me off balance when things get too messy or fall out of place for too long.

But as my children get older, their responsibilities are getting greater. Between schoolwork, extracurricular activities, and everything that they’re involved in, there are a million things to remember, sign, or organize. Honestly, reading all of the emails that pertain to their little lives could be a full-time job. So could being my childrens’ chauffeur. Zipping from one activity to the next has my gas tank constantly running on empty – and I’m not just talking about my car.

Being the go-to person all the time can be extremely overwhelming. As I often remind my children, I’m a person just like them, and I require rest and downtime, too. it just took me ten years of parenting to realize it.

Oh – did I forget to mention that I also have a spouse? I happen to be married to a wonderful, caring man who works very hard for our family. He’s a great dad, too. He’s just never played the role of the go-to parent.

I take my fair share of the blame here. My Type-A personality definitely edged him out over the years. He would try to help but, oftentimes, I would be critical and pick apart the way he did things. Eventually, he just stopped helping unless I specifically asked. It’s hard to fault him for that. At the same time, I don’t think he would function well as the primary, go-to parent. In his own words, “organization is overrated.” He manages his own schedule, but I don’t think his email inbox could handle the onslaught of our kids’ communications.

So, where do we go from here? Like so many things in marriage, we’re working on it. We’ve been married for fifteen years, so our roles are pretty ingrained.

What we have done is set clear expectations for our children. My speech to them went something like this – “I’m not your maid. I will no longer be picking up your shoes, socks, and underwear from various places around the house.” There was more, but the main theme was organization and responsibility for their own belongings. Such simple concepts, but so easily lost in the busy shuffle of our busy, everyday life. {Also, perhaps a bit harsh, but sometimes blunt honesty works best with my kids to get parenting points across.}

Honestly, I’ll probably always be the go-to parent. No, I can’t do it all, nor should I be expected to fly solo. But, really, no one ever asked me to. My spouse is here if I need him, but he can’t read my mind. My children are also capable of taking a more active role in managing their own lives, they just need to learn. And so I’m learning to ask for help. I’m also setting clear boundaries and limits for myself. Again, such simple concepts, but not always easy.

So, yes, feel free to seek me out first. I am and will always be the go-to parent. But I just might defer you to my spouse or children. 

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Welcome! I'm Courtney, Founder, and Co-Owner of Mid-Michigan Moms. I started this journey years ago, looking to connect women in their motherhood journeys with one another through sharing our collective stories. In my mom life, I wear many hats - swim mom, hockey mom, horseback riding mom, and more. Our family of five is busy, chaotic, and loud. We're also silly, kind, and a lot of fun. I challenged myself over three years ago to push past every possible fear and comfort zone to grow as a mom, and as a person. Starting Mid-Michigan Moms and being a part of leading this team has been an integral part of that journey. Our small blog has turned into a wonderful parenting resource, and I'm so proud of our amazing team! Welcome - I'm so glad you're here!

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