Pregnancy and the Three-Letter “F-Word”. I’m currently 34 weeks pregnant and measuring a couple of weeks ahead.
I know I look pregnant and I certainly feel pregnant – and I’m not the only one who has noticed.
In the last three days, three separate strangers have commented on my body, hinting at the three-letter “F-Word”.
A lady at the library said, “Phew, you sure are carrying all out in front. I bet it’s a boy!”
A man in the baking aisle of the grocery store said to my daughter, “Little girl, did your mama eat a huge lunch?”
A medical professional eyed me critically and commented, “yeah, that is a big, round basketball belly.”
Each instance was an interaction I almost immediately forgot about, as they were all pretty benign. They were made notable only because they all happened in a row. But it got me thinking – why do we as a society think it’s okay to comment on a woman’s body when she’s pregnant?
Society puts untold demands on women, especially physically. The beauty standards pushed through media are so unrealistic they are laughable – but the standards themselves are very real.
Women are told to be skinny, but also be curvy. Be fit, but not too fit. Don’t “let yourself go” after having a baby, and the most damning of all – don’t let yourself be “fat.” Not the three-letter “F-Word”!
Almost every woman I know who has been pregnant has a war story to tell about someone who commented on their size during this sensitive time of growth, and it stuck with them long after their baby was born. Maybe you just remembered a similar experience while reading this. For me, this is my fourth pregnancy, and most of the random grocery-store comments now just roll off my back, but during my first pregnancy a tipsy friend of the family said, “Whoa, you sure are chubby!” and I had to hustle out of the room before I burst into tears.
“Fat” is practically a cuss word in our society; I’d argue it’s the “three-letter f-word.” A lot of moms feel insecure gaining weight and looking different during pregnancy, but you know what? You are supposed to gain weight during pregnancy. Your body is not just gaining the weight of a new human being, it is also fueling that baby’s house and getting your body ready to take care of that baby once it is born. Whether you gain 20 or 80 pounds, your body is doing what it is supposed to be doing. All bodies and all babies are different.
The scale might go up, but no one has a right to comment on it.
There is no other condition that I can think of in which it is permissible to comment negatively on the appearance – especially the weight! – of a stranger!
Would you honestly ever walk up to a stranger in public and say, “do you know that you are really fat?” Of course not! So why is it okay to basically say the three-letter F-Word to a pregnant lady?
I know the vast majority of people who make a comment on a pregnant woman’s size are well-meaning. I sympathize with the feeling. When I see a woman in the diaper aisle, visibly pregnant, I feel an empathetic urge to ask her, “when are you due? Is this your first baby? How are you feeling?” I feel this way even though she is a complete stranger!
Pregnant women look interesting, I get it. It’s an incredible miracle to be able to grow a new human inside of your very self. You change drastically in so many ways. Women are awesome and our bodies are made to do astonishing things. It looks insane to carry a baby and even though I am pregnant myself, sometimes I look in the mirror and think, “how is there a human child in my abdomen right now?!”
All that being said – I’d ask the world at large {myself included} that when they see a pregnant woman, just scroll on by. Give her a smile, but you know what? You don’t need to say a word. Especially not the three-letter F-Word!
When you see a pregnant woman in public, you don’t have to tell her “you haven’t had that baby yet?!”
You don’t need to tell her she’s huge.
You don’t need to ask if it’s twins.
You don’t need to give your opinion.
You don’t need to say anything.
Pregnant women are doing mind-blowing things even when they are standing still. They are tired and hormonal and achy and growing new life, and what they really would like would be to have someone tell them they are doing a good job. Or maybe that they’re going to be a terrific mom.
So the next time you see a very pregnant woman, I challenge you to not say a word – especially a three-letter one beginning with “f” – but, instead maybe offer to carry her groceries.
Has a stranger ever said something insensitive to you about your size while you were pregnant? How did you respond?
