Pregnancy After Miscarrige: I Have So Many Fears!

While this is not my first pregnancy, child, or even pregnancy after miscarriage, it still feels brand new and a little surreal at times. As a soon-to-be mother of two children, my head has been swirling with so many thoughts and fears.

There will be 5 and 1/2 years between our daughter and this baby. So much in the world has changed and I have learned a lot as a mom, too. However, I still catch myself wondering:

  • Will I be able to give birth naturally again?
  • What if this baby will be premature like our daughter?
  • What baby products do I actually want/need this time around?
  • Will I be able to nurse this time around — and what about the formula shortage and fears surrounding supply?
  • And, as always,  will this pregnancy ultimately result in a healthy child or another heartbreak {despite being halfway through my pregnancy}? 

Pregnancy after miscarriage is not easy. Two pink lines don’t result in excitement right away. We don’t immediately start picking out names or planning the nursery. instead, We wait, and we face our fears.

We go in for labs and early ultrasounds, pray {a lot}, and wait. Every week is a milestone. The further we get, the less our fears, and the more comfortable we feel. We slowly begin to let our guard down. We begin to tell close family and friends. We slowly start thinking of the idea and planning for children {or more children}, and then we get to a point where we feel comfortable enough to talk about the future with our expecting baby. 

In some ways, I feel like we are starting over. It’s been five years since I last had a baby. My anxiety gets the best of me and I wonder if I’ll forget how to take care of a baby. Will I forget everything I learned about labor and delivery? Should I “study up” on tips and techniques? What goes in the hospital bag again? Thinking about putting a nursery together again, going through all the baby stuff we DID keep, deciding what we still need or won’t be using, and figuring out how to fit another human in our home are just a few of the things that have been whirling around in my brain. 

I know what you’re thinking; I’m probably overanalyzing all of this, but thanks to my pregnancy hormones I feel like a hot mess of emotions and fears most of the time. Will I love this baby as much as our firstborn? What if I love this baby more?! Is that even possible? Seriously, I feel completely unprepared to become a mom of two! 

Then, there is the breastfeeding fear that is lingering. The baby formula shortage that is happening in our country right now has me deeply saddened and fearful. Being a mom to a premature baby who would not nurse, unable to pump enough to give her what she required, and then tearfully resorting to baby formula to feed my child has me very concerned for our future baby. Yet, stress is the last thing I need at this point. I’m finding myself researching the best pumps, lactation consultants and information, best foods to eat, how to increase milk supply, how to help your baby latch, and more!

I keep going back to square one…While this is not my first pregnancy, I still don’t know what I’m doing!

Friends, while this may seem like a general mom vent about all my pregnancy fears, it’s also a cry for help. Whether you’re a first-time mom, a mom who has multiples, or someone who is somewhere in between trying to navigate motherhood and all its trials, it is hard!

Please give me all your advice, tips, support, and love, and don’t forget to love and support the moms YOU know personally. The struggle is real.

1 COMMENT

  1. My best advice after 6 kids and 4 miscarriages is that your body will remember labor and delivery. Do your research and brush up though. It is called labor for a reason! I was still learning before my 6th was born this year. The labor ball was great and you don’t have to deliver on you back! A Doula is a HUGE help if you can find one.
    I really enjoyed using the Thompson method for nursing this time, but she still didn’t latch until I worked with a cranial sacral therapist to loosen up her neck muscles after 3 weeks.
    Your friends and family are praying for you!

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