Nine years ago, on a hot summer day, it happened to me. I had borrowed a car, my mother’s. A 2004 Ford Focus with mostly manual locks and windows. I suppose I wasn’t familiar with her vehicle like I was my own. I pulled into the driveway of a friend and wanted their help to gather belongings out of my car.
I shut the car off.
Left the keys in the ignition.
Opened the car door, hit the trunk pop.
Stepped out of the car.
Shut the driver door.
And then I heard the dreaded click as it registered to me…
I had just accidentally locked my baby inside a car on a hot day.
Panicked, I immediately ran to get my friends to help and banged on the door. “Help! I locked Jay in the car! It was an accident!” They came out with a coat hanger and wedge and immediately began attempting to break into my mother’s vehicle. It was 85-degrees or higher. I could see my one-year-old son in the once cool backseat, beginning to sweat. Meanwhile, I phoned my mother to ask if we needed to, could we break her car windows? Of course, she said yes.
My friend managed to get the driver door unlocked and we lifted my son to safety.
I could keep to myself, the fact that for 10 minutes I was scared for his life. So, why do I admit this to you? Because it’s summertime and every year I hear the stories. The stories of babies accidentally left in hot cars. The stories of children accidentally drowning lakeside or in the backyard pool. Children getting lost at the fair.
Last year, I was standing in line for my children to get their picture drawn at our hometown fair. I pointed out to my boyfriend that there was a little boy talking to a police officer near the end of the tent we were standing under. “I think he lost his mom,” I said. My boyfriend and I immediately started looking around for a frantic parent. Not seeing one, he turned to me and he asked me the question:
“How do you let that happen as a parent?”
“Because you’re human. Because you don’t think it will happen to you. Because you don’t think your child will be the child tempted to walk away from you for a split second.”
Moments later, I saw the mom. And my heart broke. She had clearly been frantic and crying and was just so happy to see her child again.
But not all of these stories have a happy ending. In fact, the ones that make the news usually end in tragedy, and that question comes up:
“How do you let that happen as a parent?”
Here is my answer:
First
No parent lets tragedy happen to them if they can help it. I’m a firm believer that every mother and father are doing the absolute best they can do, but accidents happen. If it was possible to control every second of situations like these, I assure you no mother or father would allow the tragedy to unfold.
Second
They’ll ask themselves the same question, every day, for eternity. “How did I let this happen? How did I forget my child was in the backseat? How did this happen to us?” Every single day. I guarantee the moments leading up to the tragic event replay with guilt every day. If they had just looked in the backseat, if they hadn’t let go of their child’s hand, if only…
Third
I assure you, just like you, they thought it would never or could never happen to them. Any well-intentioned parent would never accidentally lock their baby in a hot car on a hot summer day. And why? Because they love their child and they love them so much that they’re always aware, always cautious, always continually thinking of them. But these moments happen in a split second. They are called accidents for a reason.
But maybe you’ve never experienced such a moment yourself. I can see how a life lived tragedy-free would give you a false sense of security. But that same false sense of security is why it happens to others. I assure you no mother intends to leave their child in a hot car. No father wants to lose their child at a crowded event. No parent wants to have an accident happen to their child that cost them their life.
Trust me, no parent chooses that.
From the moment you find out you’re going to be a parent, your thoughts always center on doing things in the child’s best interest. So let’s ask ourselves different questions in the face of these tragedies:
- What if that was me?
- What if that was my child?
- How awful would that be?
Let’s air on the side of sympathy and empathy because the remorse these parents are feeling is Mt. Everest. Let’s remember that we, as parents, are likely only one decision and split-second away from tragedy happening to us.
Make no mistake, a tragedy not befalling your family is not because you are a perfect parent who did all the right things. It’s not because you are a better parent than the parent whom it happened too. It’s not because you love your child more than they do. It’s because, like you, they were confident it would never happen to them until it did.
We are a village. Be the village.
