I want to preface this post by saying that I fear what we are all facing. I do not want to diminish the Coronavirus situation. This is just how my perspective has shifted and how I am starting to be able to cope with my anxiety and how it’s been changing my life.
I have always been on the go. I hate to sit still. I was born a helper and I’ll always be a helper and a fixer. I’m the person who worked while in labor. I showed a house within a week of having my last baby. I’ve never had a full and real maternity leave or a day off with my kids without constantly checking my email or ducking into another room to take a call or return one. When I take a day off, I feel guilty and I swear it makes me more anxious and more guilty and it’s a spiral. I don’t like it but its how I have always been.
So, when Governor Whitmer issued the stay home order and deemed real estate a non-essential job, I started to panic. Like, how the heck are my clients going to feel about the fact that I literally can’t work for them? What will I do all day? How will I make money? What will I do all day?!?!?!?!
For a few days, I moped around. I worried constantly. I checked the news. I checked it again. I watched the videos. I worried more. I didn’t go to sleep. I know, I know- I’m not the only person doing this. We all are to one degree or another.
And then, I woke up one morning. I decided that maybe this is a chance to just be. Without an agenda. Without a plan. A chance to just exist with my favorite people in these uncertain times.
And so now here we are. For literally the first time in my life, I am being with my kids and my husband and not having guilt about a day off. We are taking walks, we are racing to the next tree or stop sign, we are jumping on the trampoline.
We pray. We cook. I clean- a lot. We flew a kite and had a tea party. My oldest and I finished one of the best books I have ever read. I rocked my middle son until he fell asleep. I am finding joy in the simple things. My oldest son told me yesterday {during a hike in a nearby field} that, “today was the best day of my life”.
I think that maybe, just maybe, this was a chance to re-evaluate my life and what is really important to me.
Oh, and don’t worry- I’m still making my kids wash their hands a million times a day because I’m still a worrier!
Stay safe. Love your people. Stay home.
