In the midst of trauma or catastrophe, Mister Rogers always said, “Look for the helpers.” This is something we all should aspire to teach within our children—to be the helpers. And the message can go far beyond events such as turmoil, like onto the schoolyard and within classrooms. We must, we absolutely must, begin to create “helpers” within our home, and it must begin at a young age. It won’t happen any other way. By getting our own children to be “helpers” at school, we will only help the fight against bullying.
No one, I repeat no one, deserves to be bullied. And while it’s all fine and dandy that our children aren’t the ones who bully others, that is still not enough. We must teach our children to use their voice against the bullies. Indifference solves nothing. Yes, saying things like, “Be kind,” or, “Don’t judge your classmates,” is a decent start. But we must tell them more than that. We must urge them to speak up when they witness bullying of any kind and at any level. And trust me, this whole bullying thing, it starts much younger than you think.
My son came home from school one day describing some behavior of some of his fellow male classmates. They were approaching another small group of boys on the playground and intimidating them. Yes, in kindergarten, the alpha males were already picking out the “weaker” boys—choosing them as their prey. The so-called weaker boys were not allowed to play soccer, or join in with the other boys because the tough group had already been created.
After speaking with my son about putting himself in the shoes of the small group who was being alienated, I went further. I advised him that he should stick up for those boys. I am not interested in raising a popular boy. I am not interested in raising a son who is a jock and who degrades those who do not fit into that sphere. I am not interested in molding a complacent child who only sits and watches as other kids are picked on. I am interested in raising a “helper” instead. One who does what’s right—regardless of the stake. I hope that after doing what’s right for a length of time, my son will learn that doing the right thing is what matters. That, my friends, is what feels good—not being on the inside circle.
A couple of days later, my son came home and said that he told an adult on those boys. He invited the other boys to play soccer with him, too. The “cool” boys, well, they were just in kindergarten. They’re still trying to figure it all out. But I do know that habits can be created that young, especially when kids see that they can get away with bullying.
So, yes, getting your child to “Be kind,” is a solid place to start. But you have to get them to advocate for the kids being oppressed, too. They need a voice and they need it at a young age. Find the time to have the conversation with your children. It’s more than important. And be sure that you are raising what Mr. Rogers called, a “helper.”
