I rely on my big kids to watch my little kids. Don’t get me wrong, I am not running to the store, or going to the bar. I am not heading out for a “weekender” or anything nearly as exciting. I rely on my big kids so I can spend a few minutes using the bathroom, making a phone call, or going to go get the mail.
With my firstborn, these tasks filled me with incredible stress. I would be left holding the baby on the toilet, or waiting for my husband to get home in order to take a shower. I could not catch a minute for myself. It added up. Honestly, at that time, I would have been thrilled to have a little helper like a big kid.
Now, I have the big kid helpers, and the mom guilt consumes me. When I hear myself asking, “will you watch him while I run to the bathroom?” or “can you keep him busy in his high chair while I finish making dinner?” I cannot help but feel like my children are filling in some gap where I am failing.
Despite the “mom guilt”, I remind myself of a few things during the day:
- Family members work together as a team. Adults and big kids alike, all have jobs to help the family function.
- Kids need to learn how to help. In our house, one way that they help is by loving each other and looking out for one another.
- Having your big kid watch his or her sibling for a few minutes is not child abuse. Period.
- Moms cannot be 100% if they do not take care of themselves. Going to the bathroom with empty arms helps give me a moment to breathe. Some days, it is the only moment alone, and it is more than acceptable to ask an older child to keep an eye on the younger ones.
- The last thing I remind myself is probably the most important, but the hardest one to remember:
asking for help does not equate to failure. If you ask for help from your kids, your parents, a neighbor, or a friend, you are not accepting defeat. In fact, you are doing your best to succeed.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, be it with your big kids, a babysitter, grandparents, or a friend, it is OK. It is OK to give yourself some grace and rely on other people to get the job done!
