When it comes to marriage and relationships, communication is key. This is true for conversations about your sex and intimacy too. Some of us look at what we do between the sheets as an awkward topic of conversation so I hope this offers some encouragement to you if you need it!
The conversation topics I talk about today will help you start an easy and not-so-awkward conversation about your wants and needs between the sheets.
I’ve also rounded up five of my favorite resources at the end so don’t miss those. Now let’s talk about sex {if you’re singing “Let’s Talk About Sex” by Salt-N-Pepa in your head know you’re not the only one} and five conversations that will keep your sex life fiery.
Between the Sheets Tip 1: Foreplay wants & needs
Most days, it takes a woman longer to get warmed up for sex than a man. We, as women, need to feel ready not only physically but emotionally and mentally. That’s why it’s important to communicate your foreplay needs to your partner. Tell them what feels good, where you want to be touched, and even when you’re ready for penetration.
When it comes to the topic of foreplay, make sure you communicate the need of feeling calm and comfortable too. As moms, our minds are always reeling with the demands of everyday life. It’s important for us to prepare our minds for sex by relaxing. Make sure you let your partner know if you need help relaxing beforehand.
Between the Sheets Tip 2: Fetishes & desires
Let’s start with Google’s English dictionary’s definition of Fetish. “Fetish (noun): a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.”
There’s always something that gets our hormones pumping and our engines purring. Whether it’s your partner’s biceps, chest, or a t-shirt you want to tear off your partner whenever they wear it, talk to your partner about what brings you that sexual gratification. Many of us have sexual desires, things we wish for or want during sex. Communicate those to your partner! Tell them what you really, really want.
Between the Sheets Tip 3: Turn on & turn offs
Whoa baby this is a big one. Let’s discuss turn-offs first. If your partner does something that turns you off during sex and you haven’t kindly told them about it yet, go tell them! Keep your tone encouraging and kindly ask them to try something else instead of doing that thing you don’t like. More than likely, they’ll totally understand and will appreciate you talking to them about it.
Don’t forget to share the turn-offs that your partner does outside of sex too.
Sexual intimacy begins in the morning people! If you’re not feeling your partner in the late hours of the day because all they did all day was turn you off, your libido isn’t going to be great.
Now on the flip side, express your gratitude for all your partner does to turn you on. Is it the kiss and nibble behind the ears in the morning? Is it a quick phone call to say they love you midday? Like I said above, let sexual intimacy radiate inside and outside of the sheets.
Between the Sheets Tip 4: Frequency & sex drive
If you are a woman in a heterosexual relationship, your husband probably has a higher sex drive than you. If they do, it’s normal. A man’s sexual motivation is much different than a woman’s. If you’re looking to increase your sex drive check this out, Recharge Your Sex Drive & Reignite The Passion Between The Sheets. There are lots of things that impact a woman’s sex drive, including their menstrual cycle. Make sure to hone in on that time of your cycle when sex really sounds good.
When it comes to communicating this area with your partner make sure to share the following:
– If your partner is expressing a sexual desire and you’re not feeling it, tell them what you need to increase your own desire. If you need relaxation, ask for 30 minutes of alone time after the kids head to bed so that you can try to regroup and focus on relaxing your mind and body.
– If you feel like something is off in your body and sex just never sounds good, talk to your partner about seeking professional assistance so that you can figure out what changes need to be made to get your sex drive back.
– If you’re always in the mood and your partner is not, start a conversation about what you can do to interest them in sex. How can you help them relax? What can you do to turn them on?
Between the Sheets Tip 5: Sexual health
Our sexual health is encompassed within a variety of areas. These areas include but are not limited to: safe sex, healthy habits, sex therapy, and communication. In order for your sex life to stay fiery your sexual health should be a main focus when it comes to your health. Practice safe sex, prioritize healthy habits, seek help from a sex therapist in person or online, and talk to your partner.
Prioritizing healthy habits is a big one when it comes to your sex life because high stress is a big culprit of a poor sex drive. If you’re stressed, your body isn’t pumping those endorphins that make us feel good inside. Kick anything that’s stressing you out to the curb!
Resource recommendations:
- Vanessa + Xander Marin | Sex Therapist + Husband: You can find Vanessa and Xander on Instagram. On social media, they talk about all areas of intimacy and sex. They are also the hosts of a podcast, The Pillow Talks Podcast, and have a book coming out called, Sex Talks: Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life.
- The Sexually Confident Wife: Connecting with Your Husband Mind Body Heart Spirit by Shannon Ethridge: You can grab this book online and read about experiences from women the author has counseled.
- Juliet Allen | Tantra Practitioner and Australia’s leading Sexologist: Juliet will help you transform your sex life in her podcast, The Authentic Sex Podcast. If you’re an expecting mom, don’t miss episodes #102 and #128 where Juliet discusses pregnancy and sex.
- Dr. Emily Morse | Sex Therapist + Author: Catch Dr. Emily on her podcast, Sex w/ Emily. If you appreciate advice and tips from doctors and other healthcare professionals then this is a great listen for you.
- Dr. Justin Lehmiller | Kinsey Institute Research Fellow: Dr. Justin’s Sex and Psychology Podcast tackles the fantastic topic of, sex and the brain! If you’re looking to learn more about the mental side of sex, look no further.
Now go talk to your partner and fire up your sex life!
Remember, if you are concerned about your sex drive, sexual health, or sexual relationship please talk with your PCP, OBGYN, or holistic practitioner so that they can offer their professional assistance to help improve your sexual health.
