Recently I was scrolling through Facebook and saw the most adorable picture of my friend’s little girl playing with her toys. Her cute little pig tails and big cheesy grin made me smile on a dark and dreary morning. As I continued to scroll I read the caption, “My girl always brightens my day! Please excuse the mess in the background…I’m sorry I have been so busy lately!” It literally stopped me in my tracks. First of all, what mess? If you call that a mess you probably don’t want to step foot in my house anytime soon. Secondly, I didn’t even notice said “mess” until you pointed it out because your super cute daughter stole the show. Lastly and most importantly, WHO CARES so why are you apologizing???
I’m going to be real here, I’ve definitely been guilty of over-apologizing in my life. My husband is usually the one who brings it to my attention these days. For as long as I can remember I have been a sympathetic person and felt a lot of empathy towards others. So naturally this was always my excuse for over-apologizing. Even though that is part of my character, when I was over-apologizing I was using the words as a defense mechanism. I was scared of what others would think of me, so I was apologizing ahead of time to show that I was aware of the problems and I was on top of handling them.
Once I stopped {read: always a work in progress} being a serial apologizer, I started noticing a trend with my mommy friends that we are ALL apologizing for things we shouldn’t be. It seems that we are asking for forgiveness for just living our own lives.
I have heard my friends apologize for things like:
- having dirty dishes in the sink
- giving their kids candy
- for being tired
- for asking too many questions
- for their kids having a meltdown in the middle of the store
- breastfeeding
- bottle feeding
- working full-time
- not working at all
The list is endless! It is so easy to use the words I’m sorry for everything. Especially for the things that really don’t warrant an apology!
The fact of the matter is people don’t care if your house is a mess. That’s your house sister! And if they do care, the honest truth is something you already know: they don’t need to be in your life on a personal level. I know, I know, easier said than done. But don’t you want to just be real? I know I do. There is enough pressure that comes with being a mom, why add to that by caring what outsiders think? I’m not suggesting to be rude and never apologize, that’s not cool either. What I am suggesting is before you mutter those words, think about if it really makes sense to say or if something else could be used instead.
I try to practice this frequently but it’s hard work. And it’s hard to not care what others think, we all just want to be liked right? But truth be told, I am liked. In fact, I’m loved. I have a houseful of kids and a great husband that could care less if there are always papers on the counter and would be thrilled if we were eating fast food for dinner!
I’m not sorry for being a mom that’s just trying to find balance and figure it out as I go. And you shouldn’t be sorry for that either!
I’m sorry it was necessary for you to write this. 😉
My husband is always telling me I’m apologizing too much! Have you seen the thing floating around about saying “Thank you” instead of “I’m sorry”? “Thank you for waiting,” instead of “I’m sorry I’m late!” “Thank you for loving and caring about me unconditionally” instead of “Sorry I’m such a mess.” I love this idea!
I love that Mary! I am definitely going to try to implement that into my vocab!