It’s been a WEEK.
I know you have been there. There are just some days, weeks, or seasons that, as a mother, are just hard – plain, unvarnished, difficult times. It’s hard to feel thankful when you feel anything but.
For me, this season has been tough because we are battling sick kids. My daughter recently had to start taking medications because she was wheezing so hard at night that she would vomit. She’s also scheduled for surgery this month to get a cyst removed on her throat. Every time I think of my baby girl laying on a table getting an incision made in her throat, I have to squeeze my eyes shut and will that terrifying image away.
My son has a speech delay that keeps me up at night worrying, and he falls constantly; doctors think it is fluid in his ears and we have an ENT consult coming up to see about him getting tubes placed to help his chronic ear infections.
In the middle of this, I am hovering on the edge of my third trimester with baby #3, and the aches and pains associated with the end of pregnancy are worming their way into my life and starting to make reaching my toes harder, not to mention make watching said children more difficult.
And on and on it goes – doctor’s appointments an hour away, money flying out the door with every visit, crying children and nights of sleep that are far from peaceful. Even though I know my kid’s struggles and my own pale in comparison to others, it is still tough to be thankful in trying seasons like these.
In the past, my go-to method for coping in the face of this kind of stress would be to try to numb my feelings away. I’d come home from doctor visits like these and eat a fistful of cookies as if sugar could restore my life to equilibrium. {Sometimes, I still do, ack}.
Maybe you’ve done the same thing:
- you feel out of control, so you tackle every closet in your house with a vengeance.
- You are upset about your kid’s behavior so you lash out at their teacher.
- You are fighting with your husband, so you go on Pinterest and plan out the perfect living room re-decoration plan.
- You’re feeling bad about your weight, so you drink an extra glass of wine at night while watching a sitcom that does your mental health no favors.
I’ve been there, too. Lately, though, I’ve been trying to be more thankful in difficult times, and honestly – it’s done me a world of good.
Now, even though sometimes I do eat a brownie and zone out to a dumb show on the couch at the end of a hard day – in those vulnerable times, when I feel afraid for my kids or bad about myself, I try to physically stop, take a deep breath, and repeat, “I’m thankful. I’m thankful. I’m thankful.”
Sometimes, another inner voice sneers, “thankful for WHAT?! To be cleaning up this vomit? To be running on fumes? To feel like trash? What’s so great about this?!”
But truly, after repeating “I’m thankful” a handful of times – and sometimes peering deep through the fog – you can find a gem of something for which you’re grateful.
For instance: “I’m so thankful my husband has a good job and carries comprehensive health insurance. I’m humbled that we have the money to pay for doctors. I’m thankful there are men and women who have the expertise to help my kids when I cannot. I’m grateful we can get the kids healthy before we have a third child. I rejoice that this pregnancy has been uncomplicated.”
Time and distance from your current problems help, too. I can look back at my first, awful, sleepless year of motherhood and see how that wretched time has helped me be more empathetic to women going through the same thing now. I can remember that other times when my kids were sick, they got better. Seasons come and seasons go – sometimes they are easy, sometimes they are maddeningly stressful. But in both, there is something to be thankful and grateful for.
Many, many studies have shown that people who practice thankfulness are much happier than people who do not.
So how can you practice thankfulness in your own life, today, even with your miles-long to-do list and screaming kids underfoot?
Everyone’s practice of thankfulness will look different. For me, praying with my husband every night, thanking God for all that He has given us – even for the hard things in our lives helps me immensely. Taking time to end the day taking worries to God and praising Him for getting me through another day connects me with Christ, helps me to see the big picture, and bonds my husband and me as a couple.
I know for other people, writing down three things you are thankful for at the end of the day helps them cultivate thankfulness. Other ideas include keeping a gratitude journal, counting your blessings as you fall asleep, or putting post-it notes up around the house with things you are thankful for written on them.
Whatever you choose to do, I challenge you to incorporate one thing every day in the month of November to practice thankfulness.
I promise that if you give it a month, you’ll see some positive changes in your mental health, your relationships, your kids, or your overall happiness in your experience as a mother. Who wouldn’t want that as we head into the craziness of the holiday season, right?
We want to see how you practice gratefulness for what you are thankful for! All through the month of November, feel free to use the hashtag #thankfulmittenmama on social media to spur us on to a more joyful motherhood. It is my prayer that you have a grateful month and that thankfulness becomes your habit all year long!
