How to Tell Your Kid Isn’t Behaving in School Without Talking to Their Teacher

I had my suspicions that my son wouldn’t fall in line at preschool naturally. After all, the best indicator of your kids’ behavior at school is their behavior at home. To say the least, he did not. I figured I’d give him a few weeks to adjust and then approach his teacher unless she came to me with concerns first.

Ignorance is sometimes bliss, so I told myself that no news was good news until I could no longer disregard the following signs:

1. The most popular kid in class.

After one week, all his classmates knew his name. We’d be walking to his locker as kids waved “hi” to my son and excitedly told their parents, “There’s Andrew!” I knew this was likely not because he’s socially outgoing. He’s not. It was most likely because everyone had heard his teacher saying his name no less than 300 times per class. “Andrew! Time to line up!” “Andrew! It’s storytime, not time to play with trucks.” “Andreeeew!! Sit in your seat!”

2. Your kid starts talking like a teacher.

If your kid has a hard time listening in school, they might pick up on some crafty new phrases. When my 3-year-old called “Mom!” to get my attention for the fifth time to no avail one night, he walked up to me and calmly expressed, “Eyes on Andrew, please.” I never say this and I’m confident he didn’t hear it on Paw Patrol so that leaves his well-equipped preschool teacher, bless her heart.

3. They rat themselves out.

Your child can probably give you a pretty clear picture of their school behavior through the stories they share about their day. Mine proudly divulged that he had filled the classroom mailbox with sand one day. Both the teacher and I apprised him of the proper classroom use of sand. But about a week later, I noticed a little pile under the mailbox and could only presume who the culprit was. At the very least, his earlier actions poorly influenced one of his classmates. He’s a leader, I’ll give him that.

4. Their artwork is revealing.

His artwork was a pretty good gauge of his preschool direction following skills as well. While the vast majority of his classmates’ projects were appropriately fabricated, my son’s looked like they were inspired by Picasso. Some were missing key elements and I picked him up from school on more than one occasion where he simply handed me a pile of supplies to assemble at home. 

When this happened, I determined it was time to have a chat with his teacher. Reasonably, it was past time but I knew what she was going to say and I needed a little more time to gather how I would engage in the conversation. So a week later, I pulled on my big girl pants and after the classroom cleared out I approached her.

5. The jig is up.

“How’s Andrew listening in class? Does he listen?” I winced and braced myself as she sighed deeply and replied very matter of factly, “No.” In the same breath, she very tactfully detailed his inability to stay on any given task and pondered thoughtfully about taking away his chair as she rarely found him sitting in it. It was pretty much what I had expected to hear and I told her so. With little confidence in my voice, I said we’d continue to work on things at home.

But I knew that everything I had tried at home had failed. I was hoping the structure of preschool would accomplish what I couldn’t. I remember feeling pretty defeated. But the funny thing was, every day I would ask him about school, their projects, and the story they read. And every day he answered in great detail, giving me hope that he was a better listener than I was giving him credit for. 

Nevertheless, we are embarking on a new school year and I’m going in with the same faith in my child and his teacher as before. By the end of his first year, I had noticed vast improvements. I even caught him sitting in his chair a few times when I peeked through the window at pickup and his artwork eventually began to resemble the intended subject. Remarkable for an endlessly curious and animated 3-year-old, I’d say! At least I know the telltale signs and now so do you.

If you have any doubts about your child’s behavior, be on the lookout for these easy to spot giveaways!