“It’s the only surprise left in life!”
Isn’t most of life a surprise? Even so, my husband and I fell in love with the idea of not finding out the gender* of our baby. There are many reasons couples decide to either not find out, themselves, or at least surprise everyone else. I mostly didn’t want an overwhelming amount of pink or blue items (and bonus, items could be re-used with the next baby)!
“Are you going to find out what you’re having?” was the first response I got when telling people that we were expecting. When I said “no”, the majority of my friends would say something like, “Wow! I could never do that – I’m such a planner!” This response baffled me. We were definitely planning – the only difference is that we had both boy and girl names on our list. We were definitely planning to be surprised, which unfortunately didn’t go according to plan when someone mistakenly spilled the beans.
Here are some tips on how to go about keeping your baby’s gender under wraps:
Medical Appointments
Make it very clear from your first obstetrician appointment that you do not want to know the gender. Reiterate to the ultrasound tech that you do not want to know the gender. And when you come back to subsequent doctor visits and ultrasounds, remind them at the beginning of the appointment that you do not want to know the gender.
Baby Registry
A lot of the major department stores don’t distinguish “gender neutral” baby clothing. Or if they do: it’s white, white, or white. More interesting brands include: Burt’s Bees (who knew they made clothes??), H&M, Primary, Milkbarn (available upstairs at The Iron Grate!), and Kicky Pants. Gender neutral does not have to be synonymous with boring! Register at multiple stores using a single website such as Babylist for the most variety.
The Nursery
Nurseries can be bold and bright, too! Plenty of themes work for either a boy or a girl. Searching online using the word “neutral” brought up too many bland results for my taste. Finally my husband and I just went on The Land of Nod and scrolled through their designs until we came upon one we agreed on: Outer Space! Then we looked through paint samples until I found a shade of green I was in love with, and we decided a chalkboard wall would also work well with our theme.
Have a plan for if your surprise is ruined.
Did my section about reminding your doctor seem a little over-the-top? Unfortunately, it wasn’t. We reminded the doctor at our appointments, and our ultrasound tech took very special care to note to not tell us. However, I was on cloud nine after our 20-week anatomy scan, knowing that baby was perfectly healthy (after a previous miscarriage). I let my guard down and completely forgot how nervous I had been that our surprise might be ruined. And then at my next appointment: it was.
Coincidentally, the day the doctor said “healthy baby girl”, was the first appointment I had gone to alone. I’ll never forget shaking through the appointment, then shaking while standing in line at primary election polls. This was not our plan. Should I tell my husband that I knew? Then after I did tell him – should we tell our families that we knew? Should we tell them before or after the baby showers? I briefly considered surprising guests at my first shower – until realizing that would not work well for my second shower – in the social media age. The anxiety was destroying me – so I finally ended up asking them if they wanted to know after the first shower. They declined!
I could have saved myself a lot of stress if I knew beforehand who would still want to be surprised if I knew, and who would want to be in the know. Unless you’re the type of woman who doesn’t care what other people think: could you teach me your ways??
My downstate baby shower – in neutral shades of yellow – was held at the Holly Hotel. Photo by Misty Minna.
Did you opt to keep your baby’s gender a surprise? Have you – or someone you know – also had your surprise ruined?
*The correct word is actually sex: as your child’s gender identity is determined by them, later on. But for the sake of reaching the most Moms through web searches, I’ve opted to use the more common “gender”.
Katie, your nursery is a dream!!! Awesome post. People looked at me like I had announced we were going to have an elephant when I said we weren’t finding out.
Thanks Mary!! It cracks me up how weird the idea is to people, when it’s really only one generation ago that people had to wait!