The Struggles of Raising an Independent Child

“No, me try.” These words make me cringe. Lately, it’s my daughter’s favorite phrase and the source of my anxiety. I try to be supportive. I try to congratulate her when she completes even the smallest of tasks. I try to remind myself she is learning and growing and this is a good thing. I try to let her try because I know the positives of raising an independent child. 

But good Lord, the messes. The tears. The fact that it takes forever to do anything. This phase is slowly chipping away at my sanity. 

Like many toddlers, she wants to try everything. Everything. From putting on her own clothes and shoes to opening the car door, pouring her own juice, and even changing her own diaper. She wants to do it all, or at least have a try. I usually let her try {I draw the line at the diaper} or at least talk her into helping me because it’s a “grown up” job.

The funny part of it all is that it is my fault. I taught her to try. I taught her to want to try. I taught her she should feel proud of herself when she does try and succeeds. Now, all of these skills are coming out in one big annoying phase and I couldn’t be more proud and more annoyed all at the same time. I have made it a point to raise an independent child and this is what I get.

Raising an independent child is something I strive for. I let my daughter fall down, within reason of course, it’s how she learns. I don’t direct her every move and I let her be. I let her struggle and try to figure it out on her own. I stay close by because I know she is a risk taker. She’s adventurous, fearless, fiercely independent and I’d never want to change that. She always knows I am there to help, but she would just rather figure it out herself.

It is incredibly hard on my sanity, but I love that about her. Although, not so much when scaling the dining room table to climb up on the counter to get herself a drink sounds like a good idea. 

Most of the time, I feel like I am walking on eggshells around her. Because if you try to help her with something and she doesn’t want help, she lets you know. Loudly. It feels like we’re always one minute away from a total meltdown.  
 
We have been working hard on asking for help when something gets too frustrating. And now, thankfully, “Help, please,” shortly follows, “No, me try.” And it has been my saving grace. Not jumping in right away has taught her so much. It gives her the chance to problem solve and try before having someone just do it for her. This skill will be invaluable when she is older. You learn how to do things by doing them. It’s how it works your entire life. I don’t want her instinct to be to call mom and dad when she’s older because she doesn’t know how to do something. But, of course, we’ll always be there for her.
 
 
And while we want to support and encourage our fiercely independent girl, we had to draw the line with these temper tantrums that result when mom and dad say, “No.” We’ve been following a strict time-out routine that has worked wonders. When it comes to safety or just the fact that Mom and Dad are the boss, not our two-year-old {contrary to her belief}, there had to be consequences when she doesn’t listen. If she says “No,” when we ask her to do something, she sits in time-out. No matter where we are. The threat of a time-out has been a big help with her behavior and teaching her limits.
 
So even though right now, the messes are many and we are always rushing to be somewhere because it takes forever to get out of the house, I have to remind myself one day I won’t hear that sweet little voice say, “Momma, help please.” And I’ll miss these days, but I’ll know that means I’ve done my job.
 
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