A close longtime friend of mine died today. Whenever someone dies, we always think, “I should have spent more time with them while they were here.”
I knew my friend was in the hospital. I was hoping his condition would improve enough so that maybe we could have a conversation if I came to visit. When it became clear that he had a long road to recovery, I decided to send a card. But between trying to entertain my toddler full-time, and mom-brain, I kept forgetting to get to the post office. Or when I finally did, I forgot a stamp. I know a single card couldn’t have helped the situation, but it struck me how much harder it is to be there for my friends, now that I’m a busy parent.
I’m not grieving in my normal withdrawn way. The responsibility of being the primary care provider seems to have shifted my brain. My daughter is too young to understand that anything out of the ordinary has happened. She still giggles at the smallest, silliest things. And I find myself continuing to want to make her laugh — and wondering if that’s okay?
That’s when it struck me. Sure, ideally I would have more time in the day to call up my friends or go spend time with them. Or when my daughter gets a little older, we can go volunteer together. But perhaps giving her as much love as I can now, will ultimately make the biggest difference.
If our kids grow up feeling loved by us, and hear us talk kindly of others, they will continue to spread kindness. The type of kindness my friend showed me during my darkest years. He touched countless lives, listening to friends’ problems, without judgment. He modeled unconditional love.
Make time for your friends. But remember, simply spending the day with your kids is making a difference in someone’s life.
What are your favorite ways to teach your kids about kindness and compassion?
