Dear Momma,
It’s okay if you don’t believe the hype of those sweet Facebook videos of moms all snuggly with their babies as the words scroll at the bottom telling you that you will miss this. It’s okay if you don’t believe Aunt Loraine’s advice about embracing this because it goes so fast and you will look back and wish for it again someday.
I wished away the baby and toddler years. At the time, I felt so guilty that I didn’t feel the way those moms and Aunt Loraine did.
I am here to look you right in the eyes and tell you seven years later I don’t miss the baby years one little bit. I don’t miss the toddler years. I barely miss the preschool years. It took some time, but I stopped the guilt of feeling that way and I want to tell you right now if you are feeling that way too: it’s okay.
Don’t feel guilty if you won’t miss the baby years.
You see, before I became a biological mom, I had a great career and was an ultra-motivated go-getter. I always had something on the to-do list. Coaching. Delivering meals. Weekends away. Crafts. Creative baking. I had hobbies, a calling, a master’s degree, and goals with a plan on how to get there.
Motherhood shifted my life. Pregnancy slowed me down and I started to reevaluate how all of the things I thought were my aspirations and calling in life would happen. When my sweet baby girl arrived, I tried to embrace the thought processes of all of these baby loving mommas. It sent me into a darkness because it seemed opposite to the way I was wired by nature.
It wasn’t that I didn’t love my baby or enjoy her giggles and smiles.
It wasn’t that I didn’t light up inside when she learned new skills or said new words and sentences.
I sang all the songs, went on the walks, got out the paints, and practiced all the ABC’s.
We had fun family nights and I took her to explore the world around us. I was a good mommy to an amazing little baby girl. But in the back of my mind, I couldn’t wait for it to be done.
The harder I tried to become like those moms who never wanted these moments to end, the darker life inside my own head got. I felt like I had to sacrifice the person I wanted to be and the dreams written in my heart in order to be this mom who wanted the land of littles forever. How can I change the world when I haven’t even changed my clothes yet today?
The clouds finally parted when my daughter started school. Nothing changed for our schedule because I had been working since she was 12 weeks old. But developmentally, life started to click for her. Independence. Humor. Executive functioning. Vocabulary and conversation. Sleep…oh precious sleep for us all.
Life shifted yet again, but this time it was more my speed and style. The graduation from babyland to school age life opened up time and energy to focus on these life goals I had sent to the back burner. I felt like a functioning human being at work and brought ideas and a vibrancy that I had lacked through the baby/toddler/preschool years.
I feel like myself again and a mother that can show her daughter the fullness of life and how to go after whatever little and big dreams would grow in her heart. Our bedtime conversations are deep. She has ideas on how to spend our weekends. She sits next to me while I read and write and wants to know why I do it. She knows when to make me laugh. She is developing empathy and talks to me about it. She tells me about her struggles and goals and asks me for advice on how to plan it out. This is the stuff I will miss.
Those early years of motherhood sharpened me. They forced me to reach deep inside and deal with a load of junk I would have otherwise kept stuffed down. I wished them away just like you would wish away any other dark place in life. And you know what? I don’t feel guilty. I came out on the other side wiser, stronger, and more confident than I was when I went in.
I am the woman my daughter looks up to. Shouldn’t that be what motherhood does for us all?
We’re all different. If you’re a mom who feels stuck, who dreamed for a little more in her life than diapers and Cheerios, don’t despair. Don’t feel guilty. Keep trudging along, because you will come out on the other side a stronger person ready to lead her army of world changers.
