Healthcare Providers: We come to them in our most vulnerable times and for life events ranging from our most exciting and happy to most devastating. It can be tough to find the right fit and challenging to know when to question your healthcare provider and advocate for yourself. Here are some tips on how to know when it’s time to breakup with your healthcare provider, and how to go about finding compassionate, effective care.
A Surprising Exchange
We used an OB practice for our first daughter, in which we had an overall positive experience. There had been a couple of situations where I hadn’t felt heard or understood, but I brushed those feelings off to going through pregnancy for the first time and being overly nervous.
Upon learning I was pregnant with our second little one, I called and set up our first appointment and eagerly looked forward to it. When the day finally came, I sat with my husband and daughter in the patient room, excited about seeing our healthy baby on ultrasound. The medical assistant asked about my medication history. I mentioned I was still taking Vitamin D due to breastfeeding my 10-month-old daughter.
“You’re going to have to stop,” she said.
“Why?” I asked, confused.
“You’re depriving the other baby.”
My heart sank. My ten months of breastfeeding had been one of the biggest physical and emotional challenges of my life, and I had set the goal to make it to 12 months. My daughter and I were still tackling feeding by feeding, still making our way together, and not at all ready to stop. Research from several sources on safe breastfeeding while pregnant had supported our goal.
The medical assistant left the room. Our OB walked in a few minutes later. I explained the situation to her, expecting her to be surprised at the recommendation we had received. “We recommend you stop breastfeeding,” she stated, without offering clinical guidelines or medical evidence to support. I felt defeated, unheard, and very confused.
The Aftermath
I had a pit in my stomach the rest of the day, much of like when you know it’s time to breakup with a bad partner. The local La Leche League was amazingly supportive and provided me with tons of additional evidence and resources in support of our quest. With this, I felt empowered. I took the weekend to think about what had happened and what I needed in a healthcare provider, and ultimately knew it was time to move on from the current practice.
Go with Your Gut
If you don’t feel heard, respected, or understood by your healthcare provider, and if things do not feel right overall, listen to your gut! You are not going to start liking your healthcare provider more when it’s time for a major procedure or time to make decisions regarding your health. If it’s not working out now, do not be afraid to move on, regardless of where you are in your journey.
Understand Your Health Insurance Benefits and Network
If you have medical coverage, take the time to reach out to your health plan or visit their online portal (if applicable) to review the scope of your benefits and the healthcare providers in your network. This is important to do prior to reaching out to new practices if you plan to use your healthcare coverage toward your care.
Seeing What’s Out There
Similar to how entering the dating world can be daunting, so is entering the world of looking for a new provider. If applicable, use what you learned about your health insurance benefits and network to narrow down the scope, searching for what kind of provider you’re looking for, in the demographic area you need. Online reviews may also be helpful as you start your search.
Speed Dating and Setting the First Date
Don’t be afraid to pick up the phone and call the practices you’re considering. It’s perfectly acceptable to ask what their stance is on any topics and issues you find important. If there isn’t alignment, all you’ve invested in is a phone call versus an in-person visit. If it feels like a good fit, set the first date! The practice will likely ask for your records, which you will have to request from your previous practice.
Completing the Breakup
Now, it’s time to complete the breakup with the practice you’re moving away from. I found the best way to do this was to be kind and transparent with someone you trust in the office. When I called and asked what the process was for requesting medical records, the coordinator asked why I needed them, and I mentioned the disappointing experience. I told her I was grateful for everything she had done for me and my family, and though I was sad to have to leave the practice, I needed to do what was best for us. This practice required an in-person sign-off of medical records and an indication of where they needed to go.
Attending the First Date
When you go for your first appointment at the new practice, be vulnerable, open, and honest about what you’re looking for. Prepare a list of questions or concerns beforehand, so you won’t forget. Is there chemistry? Do you feel comfortable? If so, you’ve succeeded in starting a new and beautiful relationship!
I felt this way leaving my first provider. She didn’t give me an option for VBAC. While I knew she was trying to protect me and herself, I knew I could do it. A little research and I found another provider late in my second pregnancy and had such a wonderful birth and subsequently two VBACs.
I commend you for advocating for yourself and making the switch, Lisa! It’s so scary to do, especially in late pregnancy. I’m so glad to hear your births went as you wished, too!