Shortly after I welcomed my third baby, a friend gave me a kitchen hand towel that read, “If Target Had a Bar, My Life Would Be Complete“. The gift-giver told me that the moment she saw it, she just knew it was the “perfect gift” for me.
A few months later, after a particularly challenging day as a stay-at-home-mom, I mentioned to a girlfriend that I was looking forward to taking a break when my husband got home from work. In response, she replied, “yes, a nice long, walk by yourself in Target is just what you need“.
I was starting to notice a pattern. Target. Really? Didn’t my self-care run a bit deeper than retail therapy and cocktails? Did my friends know me at all?
Let me be clear: I’ve never had anything against Target. I shop there occasionally. But I’ve never understood why it’s supposedly every mom’s mecca. There is not one person who would have suggested Target as a place to relieve stress in my pre-mom life. So why were my friends suggesting it to me as a new mom? Are women supposed to automatically flip a switch and start living that “Target Life” once becoming mothers? Is Target really a mom’s saving grace?
Admittedly, I was a super stressed-out new mom. Read: I was a HOT MESS. My husband worked long, erratic hours. Yes, I had mom friends. My children had playdates. I eventually joined a local MOPS group and had daytime mom-dates. But being the main caregiver role caught up with me. Often. I felt isolated. And I was so. incredibly. tired. In retrospect, I was in desperate need of self-care. I just didn’t realize it at the time.
My friends and family clearly saw that I was in a fog. They offered support as best they could. They gave me small, kind gifts and offered their listening ears. The Target handtowel gift from my friend was a beautiful gesture, the kindness of which was not lost on me. And my other girlfriend’s listening ear {despite her suggestion that I go to Target}? It was not only appreciated but absolutely necessary. I was drowning in my mom life, and my beautiful friends were throwing me a life rope. Amen for girlfriends, right?! But the collective Target implication? It really nettled me. At the time, it just sounded so Stepford-y.
Fast forward to nearly a decade of motherhood later, and I have learned that self-care comes in many different forms. If #TargetisLife is your thing, by all means – rock it! If retail therapy is one of your forms of self-care, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I fully endorse cocktails with girlfriends, too. Self-care is essential for every. single. mom. For me, Target has just never fit the bill.
As hard as it is to remember, we were women before we became mothers. Individuals. We had hopes and dreams, interests and hobbies. Without making an effort, self-care was an innate part of my pre-mom life. If my cup needed filling, I did it without even thinking. Why? Because my time was my own. When we enter the world of motherhood, self-care requires a conscious, if not scheduled, effort. It often becomes last on our neverending, to-do lists. For me, self-care became non-existent.
In my early days of motherhood, my cup was continuously empty. I made no effort to fill it. Frankly, I didn’t know how. I existed in survival mode and lingered there for nearly half a decade. Let’s be honest, survival mode still rears its ugly head every now and then, even though I’m five years past the newborn phase. It’s just part of mom life. But self-care should be part of mom life, too. Target might not be my jam, but I’m learning what I need for self-care. What fills my cup might not fill yours. That’s perfectly fine. We’re all different, and we can each learn from one another.
Self-care runs deeper than retail therapy and cocktails for all of us. The friends who gave me the Target towel and suggested the red bullseye store’s robust retail aisles as a luxurious break? They, themselves, were wading through the trenches of early motherhood, attempting their own self-care. They were simply encouraging me to do the same.
At a time when I so desperately needed to fill my cup, my friends stepped in and offered kindness and support. I’m so sorry that I ever doubted their intentions. Again, amen for girlfriends, right?! I’d walk a mile through Target in any of your shoes. Better yet, I’ll spring for a Target Starbucks {coffee with a friend = my self-care!}, and we can walk through Target together.
Great read!
Thank you!!