Thanks to Guest Writer Lacy Curtis for sharing this post about Sex and the importance of talking to your kids about this sometimes taboo subject.
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I was 16 when my best friend at the time, a high school senior, took me to Planned Parenthood to get birth control.
I was already sexually active. She knew. I think my single mother had an inclination. I was in a high-school-serious relationship. But yet, my only ally for my sexual health was an older friend, who, if I am being honest, likely only had as much experience as myself.
Let me fast forward my life over the next 3 years.
I would get pregnant, right after high school. At a mere 18 years old.
Yes, 18 counts as teenage pregnancy.
No, I wasn’t in high school, but it didn’t mean I was ready. My boyfriend at the time was 20, and he wasn’t ready.
Looking back, I often wonder how different my life would have been had I been able to finish college before starting a family.
Make no mistake, I wouldn’t take my oldest son’s life back for even one second. He is such a blessing in my life. But that’s not why I’m writing this piece.
I’m writing this because I’m making a public service announcement: You need to talk to your kids about sex.
Let me elaborate: You need to talk to your kids about sex before you probably think you need to. And you need to continue talking about it at different stages of their adolescence about different things as they relate to sex.
My son is now 10, and he and I have been having frank, factual and open discussions in regards to his sexual health since he was eight years old.
Did he giggle through the first chat? Absolutely. But do I now have a 10-year-old who isn’t afraid to ask me questions about grown-up terms he hears in school? Yes, I do.
Here’s the truth that, in my opinion, we as parents are in denial about when it comes to sex: If they don’t hear it from you, they will be educated by their peers.
Do you want another 10-year-old {or 12, 14, 16, or in my case a 17-year-old} to be the one teaching your kids about sex – something so insanely important?
Regardless of how uncomfortable sex talking makes you feel, I’m sure that it’s not your desire that your child learns about it from their peers.
Healthychildren.org recommends talking to your kids “early and often”. And discussing things that are developmentally appropriate for their age. An idea of this might look like:
<7: Developmentally appropriate language and use of the proper terms for genitalia.
8-10: Basic anatomy of sexual reproduction, answer questions.
10-12: Preparation for puberty, hormones and how they make one feel. Introducing relationships and what they are for and what is appropriate at what age.
12-14: Discuss things like consent, mutual respect, urges, and again appropriate behavior in tempting scenarios as well as social media and it’s roles.
14-18: Ongoing conversations about their peers, things they hear, answer questions, birth control options, sexual orientation, and your family’s morals and the role they play in your own sexual health.
Disclaimer: I am not a healthcare professional. These opinions are based on findings in my own life and findings I’ve read made by educated professionals.
As a girl, I was blind. I was young, naive, and even though my health classes taught me the repercussions of sexual activity. I often wonder how much different my sexual health would have been had I not been “learning as I go.” I wished often that I had someone – mainly an adult female – with more experience, to whom I could ask big questions. I wanted that to be my family, but it wasn’t.
So I promised to do everything on my side of the fence to keep the door and conversation open with my sons about their sexual health.
And I strive to stay ahead of the curve, ahead head of the curveballs that their peers will undoubtedly throw them.
Please do your child a favor and give them an ally in their sexual health that they will someday want and NEED.
Talk to them about sex. Before middle school. Before the date you keep telling yourself you’ll do it. I promise, to us they will always be babies, not ready and too immature. But I am finding one of the best ways to teach them to mature is to give them the knowledge they will need and see how they use it.
I’m happy to report my son did NOT go educate his entire class about where babies come from, and he’s actually been happy to come to me with questions about things his peers are talking about.
You’ll never be ready, so just make sure they are.
