I shimmied into my workout gear on a chilly, winter morning and drove to my gym. Nervously, I had signed up and said yes to fear. I signed up for a two-hour women’s self-defense class. But I was afraid to do it.
This has been a fear as long as I can remember – being a woman always told to watch out. Don’t walk alone at night. Watch for men walking alone. Be careful of what you wear. Be careful at night, in parking lots, running on your own. The list goes on. For years I have wanted to know what to do in “that” situation but never attempted to learn. This was my chance. My stomach was full of butterflies, and nervous laughter bubbled out of my mouth.
Once the class began, my nerves settled down and anger took over. I was furious. Do you think 40 other men were doing this on a Saturday? NO. Do you think it has ever crossed their minds that they may need this type of care/training/cautionary tools? NO! How sick and twisted. The pit in my stomach grew.
But, then, that gave me power. That anger and frustration fueled me. The attacker will expect someone to be weak. Based on the strong women I worked with that day, that is not what they will get. The instructor paired us up and rapidly took us through different scenarios and ways to get out of the danger. For example, if someone grabs your hair from behind how to get away without getting your hair ripped out. We also practiced how to get out of being strangled.
It was a little awkward sitting on top of a person I had met minutes before and strangling her as she tried to kick out my legs and flip me over. I tried to pull her hair from behind as she spun out and tried to break my wrist. We would listen and watch the demonstration, walk through the moves, put on the real pressure and try. Try to get our adrenaline going and react as if it were really happening.
My biggest take away from self-defense class was to engage. Our leader instructed us to engage with the attacker. Why? Because perpetrators are expecting weak, easy and scared victims. So we learned how to engage verbally and physically. How to fight back for our life.
Then came time for a man in a red suit. We were warned that this exercise could get emotional. The instructor asked for ten volunteers. My gut sunk, heart pounded, and tears welled up in my eyes. It was silent as the first volunteer walked up; she was a young girl, maybe 130 lbs. But she looked determined. The whole room held their collective breath in anticipation. What would it look like to witness this? Then the cheering started. We encouraged her and reminded her to kick, throw an elbow, and be loud! She was shaken up when it was over.
Slowly more people volunteered. One woman was saying how she was literally shaking. I thought, oh I am not alone, others feel this way too. She conquered it and then encouraged others that it was a safe place. “Do it now where it is safe, feel prepared,” she said.
Up my hand went and out of my mouth I said, “I’ll do it!” I stood up, got my gloves on and went to the middle of the room. The “attacker” looked me dead in the eyes asked if I was ready, told me to take a breath. He put on his protective helmet and came at me.
“GET BACK! GET BACK!” I yelled. Kicking, open hand hitting, tunnel vision. It all happened so quick. I didn’t run away, I didn’t fall or even start crying. I fought for me, I fought back. I took out that anger and fear. “TIME” he yelled, and we stopped. I finally took a breath; the light came back, and I could hear the noises around me. I had been repeating in my head the whole time- stay present, stay focused, fight back. Fight the urge to run away, you are NOT weak.
There I had done it. I conquered a fear. If I am in that situation again – God forbid – I have been there, done that and reacted. I sat down, shaking and smiling, and finally breathing. Breathing in and out. My mind was racing. My emotions were rapidly changing. For that day though I only knew one thing, I had taken step one. I learned the first steps, engaged and fought back.
The teacher encouraged people to come back, to try it again, to feel comfortable with it, confident. Overall, I learned to fill your tool belt of self-defense with things that work for you.
I encourage you to sign up a local women’s defense class next time you have the opportunity. I know I will take more in the future to continue to grow my confidence and skills in being able to protect myself.
