Step One: Take a deep breath. You’re not alone. Millions of women are finding themselves exactly where you are. We, like you, put off having children until we established our career. We are older moms who in turn have older parents. We are changing diapers for two generations.
We get it. This is hard work learning to balance the needs of your children with the needs of your mom and dad. Listen, don’t feel as though you have to go through this alone. Find the county agency that serves the senior population in your area. In my town it’s called Valley Area Agency on Aging. Set up a meeting with one of their specialists and learn what services are available in your community.
Some communities have adult day care centers where your loved one can spend time with other seniors while you are at work. Many of these facilities provide grooming, exercise, and social activities to keep your parents mentally and emotionally thriving throughout the day. Check with Care.com or your local service agencies to find out if you qualify for supportive assistance – free or low-cost aides who will come to your parents’ home and sit with them for a few hours daily.
Other resources may include a county guide of geriatric physicians and clinics, senior insurances, estate planning attorneys, and an assortment of relevant services. Additionally, many of these guides have a listing of assisted living facilities where your mom or dad can live independently while having access to 24 hour a day help if necessary. Many of these facilities have recreation centers, on site therapists, an activity director who plans group trips for shopping, fishing, theater, etc.
Self-care is so important while you are care-giving. Make sure you are getting the proper rest, exercise, and diet to ensure that you can care for your child and your parent. Be kind to yourself. This is a hard task and some days are easier than others. Don’t be afraid to call in a parent-sitter so that you can take a break. Make sure that you are making time to give your children some one on one attention even if that’s just a few minutes each day.
Communicate with your children about what is happening with their grandparents. You would be amazed at how much they can understand and how willing they will be to help with the care.
Most importantly, talk with your spouse/partner. Make sure that your relationship remains strong during this time. Check in with them to find out how they are feeling and see if they have any concerns. As it is with most situations, the more you communicate the better each part of the team will function.
Remember, whatever decision you make regarding the care of your mom or dad is the best one for you. Don’t compare your situation to anyone else’s. Do what is right in your heart for you and you and your parents, your children and your spouse will benefit.
