I am that mom, the mom that seems like her plate is overfull. Honestly, it feels that way to me, too, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. We are a house with special needs, we do the holidays a special way. Our family lives its life around those needs.
During a normal week or month, we live a certain way. Foods are made solely in this house. Constant therapy and doctor visits are often. During the holidays we don’t get to live that way. Don’t get me wrong, my children and I LOVE the holidays. But my husband? Not so much; he’s a little Grinch-like. But we take extra precautions during this magical time of the year. We are very careful about the food we eat at all the family get-togethers, we take a car full of sensory items, favorite toys, and sometimes bring our food. We tend to be the first ones out the door or we even skip some events. Growing up, I was raised that family is was your best and first friend, all the way down to my second and third cousins. So leaving Holiday family gatherings early can kinda hurt! But not when you have the support system we have: Our family.
Many people are very understanding of the differences that are showing up more often in families and children. But we haven’t quite gotten there yet as a society. My family did all the internet research and asked so many questions {at the right time} when my son was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder {ASD} and Sensory Processing Disorder {SPD}. My family tried to do all the research and support us when our middle son was diagnosed with an Autoimmune Disease. So did I, but we are still in the process of determining his disease, so we don’t have concrete answers for anyone yet. My third boy is a handful and a half but is very healthy with only a speech delay.
When it comes to the holiday times I appreciate my family more than ever. They accept our decisions without question. They understand that we are a house with special needs, and the effects they have seen with our boys have taught them that Mom and Dad know best with our little hooligans.
So, holidays in my house means no ornaments on the tree other than handmade ones, because ornaments break and we have fun making new ones each year. Christmas lights are only in one color on the tree because too many colors can throw off a visual sensory issue {don’t get me started on blinking lights!}. No glass knick-knacks, that one is pretty obvious. Strict food guidelines for family events, allergies, and sensitivities to foods are always a thorn in my side but luckily my boys love to help me bake {or make a giant mess}. And when the family gets loud, which happens every time and isn’t a big deal for anyone else, we simply leave.
We make handprint cinnamon ornaments for gifts and keepsakes every year, zucchini bread, elderberry gummy bears {shhh, they don’t know it’s good for them!}, and cinnamon buns for Christmas morning. We read stories every night, have an Elf on the Shelf, and watch Christmas movies every day from Thanksgiving onward. Holidays are all about family time, crafting and more family time. We end up inviting people over to our home to do these things instead of grandparents, aunts or uncles homes. Our home is where my children feel safe and comfortable. We have cupboards full-on sensory items, a rock wall, two sensory swings, and a dark, warm, small space the boys can go to if they are overwhelmed.
It takes days at minimum to get back to normal after the holidays, not in the normal sense either. Stomach issues, allergies that randomly pop up, and sensory overload can show up in different forms like meltdowns. Even if that may seem negative, it truly is a wonderful time of year. My kids have a sparkle in their eye like no other time of year. Sitting on Santa’s lap, time with family, lots of baking, and all the beauty of a “typical” holiday is part of this house but is just tweaked here and there.
While our Christmas sounds like many others, it could be wildly different. Without the support from our family and headstrong parents, our children would have very tough holidays. If you know a family like mine, consider visiting them instead of having them come over during the holidays. As a special needs mom, I enjoy time outside of my home, but it is always with time restraints and lots of preparation. When family and friends visit our home, we have food and an environment that is safe for everyone. We have our sensory needs and safe spaces, and we have as much time for visitors as anyone would like!
Please think about the people who have to do things differently during the holiday season. Support them how you can!
