Ending my Child-Bearing Chapter and Why I’m Sad about it

Tears definitely welled up in my eyes at my last yearly check-up with my Gynecologist/OB-GYN.  Just like many women all around the world I scheduled my yearly PAP/Breast Exam.  Honestly I hate these appointments, but understand their vital importance.  These appointments can have the tendency to be awkward.  But my Gynecologist/OB-GYN is pretty awesome. So my advice is ladies, do  not skip out on these check ups.  So let this serve as a little reminder to schedule your appointment soon!

Before beginning my exam my doctor discussed with me my medical history. Then the big question came next.  What birth control was I currently using? I told him the honest truth, none.  I am just going to be honest: my husband and I have been using the not so effective “pull-out method“.  This method is not recommended in preventing pregnancy.  My doctor looked at me and said, “I hate to say this to you kiddo {yes, my doc calls me kiddo}, given your history I think you and hubby need to figure out a more formal pregnancy prevention method”.  

My birthing history: I have had one miscarriage, and two pregnancies with Preeclampsia.  During my last pregnancy, on top of Preeclampsia (High Blood Pressure during pregnancy) my Thrombocytopenia (Low Platelets) flared up right before delivery.  

And then he said it.  My doctor opened his mouth and said it: ‘I think at this point you’re getting older and complications would get much worse, I think it is time to close the child-bearing chapter, kiddo’.  My heart immediately sank.  Although I really felt in my heart I didn’t want to be pregnant again, I felt some type of way being told that I shouldn’t have anymore children.

Now let’s be real. I get it. I would not want to get pregnant again to only have complications that would possibly end my life leaving my husband and children behind.  And even though I still have been holding onto the dream of having a mini-me {Mom of 3 boys, no girls}, I will not do that at the expense of my own life.  

My drive home was interesting. I actually dropped a few tears, and then I called my husband, and Mom.  My husband even said he felt something to that he described as a little sadness.  But we both agree that I would not be getting pregnant, and we would take the proper steps to make that happen.  He is getting snipped! 

When it is all said and done, I feel immensely blessed to have three healthy, funny, rambunctious boys.  I will not complain, but only be grateful that God gave me the opportunity to be a mother. So I have now began looking into adoption.  So if God sees fit that journey is underway! Well loves until next time!