I didn’t learn about Best Friends Day until recently. But if anyone has ever deserved their own day, isn’t it the best friend? I certainly know that my best friend has saved me often during motherhood, especially those first few months. Without her, I’m pretty sure I would have downward spiraled into postpartum depression. But with her by my side, she let me know that everything I was experiencing was all part of this new journey I was embarking on.
I am very open about my experiences during the beginning weeks of motherhood.
I was clueless and things were hard, really freaking hard. I endured an unplanned and traumatic c-section, my son had severe reflux, I failed at breastfeeding, and quite honestly, I felt like the whole world was judging me. I called and texted my best friend daily. She was a veteran mother by the time I finally entered the mom game. And instead of giving me her mom-of-two advice, she did the only thing I needed her to do: LISTEN.
I’ll never forget one day specifically. My son was about five weeks old. I sat in my bed listening to the “whoosh whoosh” of my pump attached to my breasts. I had mastitis — again. I let the tears slip down my cheeks, tears from both pain and sorrow. My baby blues gripped me and were swirling out of control. I hated nursing. I hated pumping. Those two things single-handedly made me feel like I was failing as a mother. I loved my baby. But the one thing I wanted so badly was to love motherhood too.
So, as I pumped, I called my best friend, my best friend who successfully nursed her two children. As I cried, I said, “I’m not sure I can do this anymore. Trying to nurse and pump is just too hard.” I couldn’t believe I said those words out loud. The truth. I waited to hear judgment on the other end of the line. I waited to hear, “Oh, it’ll get easier,” or worse, “You just have to push through it.” But I never heard those words. Nope, not from my best friend.
She could tell I was heading into some troubled waters.
“Angela,” she said, “then stop. Stop nursing. Stop pumping.”
Within that one second of time, I felt the lightness of hope fill me. I desperately wanted to find the courage to trust myself; to be the mother I knew I could be. However, I knew that it wouldn’t be what society expected, either. But with the urge of my best friend, I did what I should have done all along — trusted my motherly intuition.
Looking back, I wish I didn’t need permission from anyone to stop nursing. I wish I would have trusted my intuition as a new mother. But I’m also thankful that I have a best friend in my life who recognized that I needed to do what was best for me and my baby. That next day, I stopped pumping. I let my breasts inflate, and within a few days, finally, become my own again. Once that happened, my baby blues evaporated and I became the mother I knew I could be.
A mother who loved her firstborn more than anything else on this planet.
A mother who would do anything for her son.
A mother who would finally listen to herself and do what’s best for her family, despite what society says.
I’ll forever be thankful for my best friend for giving me the ability to be free and be the best mother I could be. So, on Best Friends Day and every day, I will thank her all over again for allowing me to just be me.
