When you are new in the parenting realm, there are all kinds of rules that people like to impose on you.
Upon becoming pregnant, there are myriad rules about what you can’t do, what you can’t eat, and how many thousand feet you are allowed to ascend into the sky in the belly of a 747.
When baby is born, there are rules about car seats {which are uber important!} and when they can eat things {also uber important} and unofficial rules about where you’re allowed to breastfeed.
But once you’re in the trenches of motherhood, here are some rules you may want to remember ::
1. The word “pizza” should never be uttered unless there is, indeed, pizza immediately available.
This rule also applies to Goldfish. Do not ever, ever say the P word or the G word if you are not going to offer them to the small people.
I have taken this further by teaching my older two children not to mention desserts or treats when I’m trying to get my youngest to finish eating something. Now they love to come over and whisper conspiratorially to me about ice cream or gummy bears. Next we work on whispering being quiet.
2. Sippy cups shall contain nothing but water.
If it has a gasket or a filter or a straw that is a pain in the rear-end to clean, it will never see milk. Or juice. I have the same rule for myself, with my cute cups with straws. There is not enough time in the world to make it worth cleaning those things.
3. Give them time to obey.
I really, really struggle with waiting for my children to do what I have asked them. Expecting a little more than I should of the small people is an everyday difficulty for me. They seem so mature sometimes, so I forget that they’re only 7, 5, and almost 3.
As such, I usually expect them to snap to attention like little soldiers when I ask them to do something. When they gape at me like slack-jawed yokels, it tends to make my blood boil. I have to remind myself to give them a moment for their little brains to compute and then to move.
Most times that I actually do give them a few seconds to spring into action, they do it. Obviously, they’re not automatons, so they don’t always obey. But it definitely helps for me to chill the heck out.
4. Don’t threaten something if you aren’t prepared to follow through.
I really can’t stress this enough, and it’s something I struggle with constantly. I have lost track of how many times I’ve said, “I’ll… I’ll… I’m not sure what I’ll take away, but it will make you sad.”
My husband is fond of threatening to throw away every single toy in the house, which admittedly would make an impression on them and would certainly help with clean-up duties, but there is no way I would ever allow that. He knows this. Not to mention, as shamefully spoiled as our children are, their toys represent a significant investment, and c’mon, we’re not throwing them away.
I have a big problem with threatening and then throwing away toys that I know are favorites, but if I keep nickel-and-diming them, so to speak, with toys they don’t really care about, am I making any progress? Obviously, I’m not going to throw away the lamb my child can’t sleep without, but something that will actually make an impression is probably a good plan.
And finally…
5. Stick out your booty when you sneeze.
This may sound like a joke, but hear me out. A physical therapist friend of mine gave me this piece of advice years ago and it has changed everything.
Without going into too much detail about nether-regions, I’m sure I’m not the only one who kind of dropped the ball on doing Kegel exercises post-baby. And if you try to tell me you’ve never had a, ahem, wardrobe malfunction, upon sneezing, I am straight-up calling you either a magical unicorn or a liar.
The miracle tip is if you arch your back when you feel the sneeze coming, some magic {that I’m sure can be easily explained but it’s been a long time since science class for me} keeps the dreaded dribble from happening.
You’re welcome.
What rules have you instituted in your family or your life that work well? Which ones have backfired in a big way?
