Expectations Ruin Everything! Let Go and Embrace the Unexpected

You’ve spent hours, weeks, months even… planning the perfect event. A family vacation. A wedding. A birthday party. Ordinary outings require work too… a trip to the zoo, lunch with an old friend, a play date with new moms. Without realizing it, you already have a vision forming of how it will all play out. “It’s going to be soooo perfect.” “We are going to laugh until our faces hurt!” “The weather will totally cooperate!” Sound familiar? STOP!

Here’s the thing…expectations ruin everything.

You’re just setting yourself up for disappointment.

Don’t do it! 

I am the WORST when it comes to attempting to predetermine how any given situation will play out. I pride myself in thinking of every possible scenario. I pack accordingly, I have contingency plans, I am prepared. However, there is a little invisible line called “too far” and I am guilty of crossing it. Have you ever worried about how much fun someone else will have more than embracing your own joy? Have you ever tried to make everything just right and then when it’s not, obsess over what went wrong, how you can fix it or how you could have prevented it? Me too. I mean, it’s admirable that we care so deeply, but we aren’t in charge of anyone else’s emotions. We don’t get a say in how they’ll choose to react, remember or appreciate our efforts. So, why fret? 

Expectations creep in and try to ruin your hard work. They hover like a dark cloud on a sunny day. They linger like a bad date with zero social skills. Don’t let that happen! Give them up (cold turkey is best) and instead, join me on a quest to embrace the unexpected. I challenge you to let go and mindfully leave your expectations behind. Don’t let them dominate your experiences leaving murky memories and missed opportunities.

I was recently forced to choose between expectations and a less-than-perfect reality, and in a moment of true clarity, I chose the latter. I realized quickly how free it felt to not feel responsible for the derailed emotions of others. Let me explain. During a recent family trip, we decided to explore the Smoky Mountains National Park to see some waterfalls. My soon to be 4-year-old was pumped! I had researched the location, parking, and scenic spots. We packed water, sunscreen, snacks, bug spray, my camera, the dog… and off we went!

My brother-in-law decided to knock out a little vacation 5K and meet us there. So, we waited. Oops, what’s this? “NO DOGS ALLOWED!” Sorry Bruno, back to the cabin you go. So, we waited some more. To pass the time, my daughter decided to chase butterflies. She ran in circles draining all of her energy. She eventually got mad because they always darted just out of reach. So, she folded her arms, stuck out her lip, plopped down on a rock and… waited (very dramatically as you can see).

OKAY, the gang’s all here! Let’s go! My daughter lost steam about 300 yards into the trail. “Pick me up, mommy!” “Carry me, mommy!” “I don’t want to see waterfalls!” Oh boy, was it nap time already? All of that waiting had set us up for failure. My sweet, joyful child launched into an epic, moody meltdown and she didn’t care who saw it. It was ugly. My husband was NOT happy. Neither was I of course, but you know what? I surprised myself and made a quick, firm choice. I wasn’t going to let this ruin MY hike! So, I dug in with determination and carried her practically the entire way, even up a huge hill swapping my 37-pound sack of pouty potatoes from left hip to right and back again as sweat poured from places I didn’t even know existed. This was definitely not what I had in mind. This was not the beautiful afternoon I had envisioned. Any other day, I might have wallowed in the disaster it had become. But nope, not today! 

I let my own expectations fly away like the butterflies that had so effortlessly eluded my daughter. I focused on the positive. I still got to smell the fresh air, feel the sunshine and move my body. I still got to see the beautiful river dotted with lazy tubers and stunning, cascading waterfalls. I laughed instead of crying. I took the best grouchy picture ever, instead of demanding a fake smile. I embraced the unexpected and was greatly rewarded.

At the top of that steep hill… a little Smoky Mountain miracle! A group of horses trotted by to save the day. HER FAVORITE! In a split second my daughter’s tears of tired frustration turned into tears of joy. One rider, sensing my relief for the perfectly placed distraction, kindly offered to hoist her up onto the saddle. She wiped her tears away and that was that. Tantrum over. She was beaming. “Can you believe it, momma? HORSES!” “Let’s go see that waterfall, I just have to see it this time!” It was suddenly the best day ever and her little legs ran down the trail without a care in the world, ready to make up for lost time.

And that’s life… unscripted, a little reminder (to you and to myself) that you might be pleasantly surprised by the outcome if you let go of your expectations and embrace the unexpected. 

Can you think of a time when your own vision took a back seat revealing an unforeseen moment far more memorable than you could have ever predicted? I’d love to hear your story!