Babies. Most everyone loves them. I don’t know if its the newness, the smell, or the fact that you don’t remember that time in your own life. Or, maybe, if you are a parent your own babies grew so quickly that as a person you want to absorb as much of “baby” as humanly possible. Either way, as a new mom, you can expect one thing: VISITORS. Everyone wants to get their hands on that little babe. Disclaimer: this applies to the first time around for sure, second baby is iffy, third child and beyond? This may not apply to you at all, ha!
As a new mom, visitors can be daunting. You have this new precious life, your baby. You are a fish out of water, your hormones are crazy, you’re dealing with the nursing learning curve {if you’re going that route. That, and the simple fact that you are 100% in charge of another life. You’re overwhelmed.
Those reading this may think, well here goes an ungrateful post complaining that people want to meet your child. But that is not my intent. I love, LOVED when people came to meet my kids. Watching their faces light up knowing that they loved this little human of mine, made my day. However, it also made me sweat {literally and figuratively}. I kept worrying: Is my baby going to flip out? Is he going to want to nurse for hours? Will he sleep the whole time and leave me up all night? SO many unknowns!
To hopefully try and alleviate some of the stress for that new mom in your life, I’ve listed 10 of what I believe are the most helpful tips for visiting new moms and their little ones:
- Don’t just show up. This may seem like a no-brainer but it needs to be said. It didn’t happen to me, but I literally can’t think of anything worse than being in the newborn trenches, exhausted, covered in spit-up and milk, with greasy hair and someone knocking at my door.
- When you say you are coming be ON-TIME. This still drives me crazy and I have bigger babies now. We as moms have a lot of dynamics that play into our day. Napping, eating, playing, bath time, etc. I know I personally tried to time everything perfectly. If I knew that if he just ate then it would be a great time for visitors shortly thereafter. If you show up two hours late, then most likely I would have to go sit in my bedroom and nurse, which is no fun for you OR me. Don’t do that to new moms. It’s not nice.
- Don’t stay very long. Back to those dynamics I listed above, a baby is not predictable. It’s great that you have nothing to do all afternoon, but trust me maternity leave is not a vacation. Mom has probably a minimum of 278,363 things running through her head she wants to do. Perhaps mom wants to shower, sleep, or just sit in her own living room watch TV and nurse in the wide open with no one watching. Don’t inhibit that. If you want more time with baby, come back for another short visit. OR if you are one of those people who came a long distance and are specifically invited to stay a little longer….
- Don’t expect the new mom to entertain you. When I had my second baby, my sister came over to visit and literally just held the baby while I showered. It was the best {well tied with #5}. I didn’t have to do anything {see #6}, I could get those things done that were running through my head. I didn’t have to nurse and feel rushed to have a conversation. So if you go over and new moms seems out of it or sleepy….
- Offer to help out. Do you see a sink full of dishes? Offer to do them. I know you came to see the baby and not do manual labor, but you love this mom and this baby and trust me she will not forget that. My sister and our babysitter did the same. It was so nice. When they left I could go rest or just sit with the baby and not have that sink full of dishes staring me in the face. Other ideas: fold baby clothes, wash a bottle, do a load of laundry. She will appreciate it more than you would ever know. This isn’t saying follow #3 and only stay for 10 minutes while working, but extended stayers make yourself useful.
- Older siblings or a pet? This one rolls into #5. Does the new mom have older children, perhaps an annoying Portuguese Waterdog? This is your opportunity as the visitor to shine. Offer to take that sibling out of the house, the pup on a quick walk, or tend to the baby while mom gets some alone time with the bigs. My cousins overachieved and took my big for an entire weekend up north. I felt like whole new momma after that weekend apart. And to be honest, he probably had way more fun with them than he would have had sitting with me while I nursed and tended to a newborn. Again, I realize the baby is the main point of your visit and you’re thinking, “what the heck, I didn’t sign up for chores”. But trust me, visitors who offer doing one of the above are literally the best visitors EVER. You can snuggle that baby and remind that older sibling and mom that you, too, love their well-being just as much. A little trip to McDonald’s or a date to the park will make all the difference in everyone’s day!
- Think outside the box on what you’re bringing. By no means is this saying you HAVE to bring a gift. But if you are, think it through. Our visitors were AMAZING at this. Three of them brought us dinners put together, how awesome is that?! A full meal with a little note saying “pop in the oven at 350”, Olive Garden salad with paper plates and utensils. It literally required zero effort on our end, and was enjoyed by all members of our family. Plus quite often this saves you as the visitor some money!
- Think of what you are saying. Remember this woman just had a baby up in her lady parts, where she either pushed it out or she was cut and it was pulled out. The last thing this hormone-crazed woman wants to hear is 90 straight minutes of how the baby looks exactly like someone other than her. It probably does, but throw her a bone, it will make her 10 months of work seem worth it. And on top of that, as much as you want to give advice or tell her what you did, just don’t. She already is questioning herself on every move. If she doesn’t ask, don’t give advice. Simple as that.
- Leave the germs at home. Again this may seem like a no-brainer, but if you remotely have a sniffle, or anything that could potentially be any type of crud, take a raincheck. Always wash your hands first, don’t wear clothes that have been exposed to smoke, and even if you are the healthiest person on the planet DO NOT kiss the baby. I repeat DO NOT KISS THE BABY. I’m not going to elaborate on the what ifs – just follow these rules.
- Be supportive and love that baby. “The days are long but the years are short.” Make the most of your time with that mom, her family, and that new bundle of joy. You don’t necessarily even have to go visit. You can send a text, a card, make a phone call, put balloons on their mailbox, and more. The littlest things often warm the heart the most. You and her will never get this time back. The next day the baby will be a little bit older and a little bit bigger. If there are any issues {as all families / friendships have} put them aside, you will only regret it in the long run. And she will remember through the fog who made the effort and who didn’t. Don’t let that person be you!
Do YOU have any tips for visiting new mothers?
